Monday, 25 May 2009


Barton.  Over the Humber Bridge.  Far Ings Nature Reserve to be precise.  We used to go here on bike in our younger days and saw such megas as Smew, Water Rail and even Long-tailed Tit. 
I mock.

In all seriousness this reserve has improved no end, with so much work and development going on that a few years ago it was given the title "National Nature Reserve".  Pretty good.

I came across this guy who I think is the warden.  I don't know why but I decided sub-conciously to speak to him in a highly exaggerated American accent!  No, I'm not sure why either. The short converation went something like this:

Yankee Me:  Well Hi there, man.
Warden:  Oh, hello.
Me: "Are the fucking Bitterns feeding their liddle babies yet man, giving up regular flight views?
Warden:  "Erm....not quite yet, the wet winter has set them back a few weeks but it should be soon, hopefully.
Me: Woooooaaaaah, that sure sounds like fun right there man.
Warden: erm..............yes.....
Me (starting to really go over the top): fucking hell man, I'd really like to see one of those fuckers right there in the flesh, d'ya know what I'm saying there man?
Warden: erm..................
Me:  Okay Dude, now you take fucking care there man and have a simply great day, y'all.
Warden:  Erm....okay....erm thanks.

Bittern now breed and are evidence indeed that this species is currently thriving, booming perhaps.

On the lake, 6 drake Pochard and a lone female looked to be making an adult movie (it's always several guys and a single woman, why is that?) 'some' Tufted Duck (official count) pair of Shoveler, coots everywhere, 3 GC Grebe, including one with a massive cock, 1 Dabchick, and a Ruddy Duck.  Apparently no one likes Ruddy Ducks any more. Why is that?

Fuck me!  2 Mute Swans!  I never saw them on my first sweep of the lake, how the fuck do you miss 2 fucking Mute Swans unless you're rubbish. I'm rubbish.  Now there's another pair of Shoveler, and a Gadwall.  7 Shelduck flying west. Avocet just flew across the lake.  Fucking hell's teeth!  Now TWO Ruddy Duck - making a pair but you don't get anything for a pair.  Swifts a-plenty. Fucking loads.  I'm not going to count them cos you really aren't bothered.  Let's face it, if I said "56 Swifts" or "239 Swifts" you wouldn't really give two flying fucks about either figure so why should I count the fuckers?

Right, I'm gonna wander 'round to the next hide.......hang on, what's that?............Adult Hobby!  Gave good views, a bit of hawking* then off like fuck never to be seen again. 

There's been a Cetti's singing here for a while now, but it's windy as fuck so no chance of that.

* the word "hawking" has several meanings.  One of which means to sell things, particularly door-to-door.  Another is to break wind through one's arsehole.  And that's true that.
So fuck off.

Saturday, 23 May 2009

Local Twitching

Big floppy donkey cocks. How's THAT for a start?

Sat around for the morning, took small child to the park, then sat around waiting for other half to come home from work. Checking on 'tinternet throughout the day gave me the following information: 'Click here to see big Suzie take a load in her face and tits' but even more relevant to this web log diary log blog was this: 'Melodious Warbler, Spurn, in triangle, view from canal. Also Marsh Warbler, Beacon Lane'. Nicola came home to catch the end of Big Suzie's fantastic act and for me to say "I'm off to Spurn. Are you coming for a ride out with small child?"
She declined (bah) so off I set singularily (eh?) hairtailing it (what?) to Spurn (heh).

From the canal almost a flaming hour went by when the Melodious 'suddenly' showed (can a bird NOT 'suddenly' show? As soon as it appears it must be 'sudden' surely?) Only the third record for Spurn and a stunning bright-fucking-yellow-canary-singing-bastard-yellow-fucking-male as well. Smart as fuck. I had only taken binocular-style viewing aids as my telescopic-style viewing aid is out of action. After I'd put the nice couple next to me onto the bird, they allowed me scopic views via their scope. Very nice. Off to Beacon Lane.

On arrival up Beacon Lane there were four blokes in a semi-circle staring directly into and surrounding a single bush. On the other side were another four blokes in a semi-circle staring directly into and surrounding the same single bush. From this single, stared-at, surrounded bush came the dulcet sounds of a Marsh Warbler a-warbling it's tiny heart out.

I think we get the picture as to the Warbler's whereabouts!

"Erm, anyone know where it is?" I asked!!
"It's just in there" whispered a gent and pointed to the single, stared-at, surrounded bush. Irony was lost on this man.

It wasn't showing. Arseface. I was about 3 metres from the lonely bush, I recorded it on my mobile phone just as a video, played it back as loud as it would let me (not very loud), the Marshy approached the phone, I saw it briefly literally within touching distance until it must've realised it was just a Nokia and not a rival male Marshy singing away and proceeded to fuck of in disgust to the next bush. The 8 gents then moved and surrounded it again and stared at the bush. Triumphant, I turned and walked of into the sunset, with a cowboy sort of strut on.

Now then!  Breaking news! Fucking Terek fucking Sandpiper at Patrington fucking Haven fucking fucking fuck.!
6 miles from where I was. "Sound" said I in a Stones Roses Madchester late 80's Happy Mondays stylee.
The road out of Spurn was like Whacky Races with me in overall lead and the Anthill mob somewhere around 6th. One problem, I didn't know EXACTLY where Patrington Haven was! Very poor local knowledge. I went past the caravan site......they're still following..............carried on a bit towards the Humber...they're still following............that must be good otherwise some of them would've stopped. Hang on, I'm sure this is too far......I slowed down. Stopped. All the other cars either stopped or turned 'round or carried on and turned 'round and Penelope Pitstop was fucking fuming, she flashed her minge at me as she flew and shouted "You're a stupid one of these".  Charming.
It wasn't my fucking fault. I'd only carried on because the cars behind carried on, if you know what I mean. But they were following me because they didn't know where it was! Oh fuck it.

We arrived at the site. A really long, long, long, long, sweltering long walk to the bird (half a mile) gave distant views again through a borrowed scope. Couldn't see a cock on it and it had a cracking pair of tits so I aged it as a late-teens female. Not sure how many Tereks there's been in East Yorks but I can't remember many. Anyone know? Let me know Thanks. Great.

Can't fucking wait.

Good day out, went home and got fucking wrecked on lager and strong cider and started getting my cock out to passers-by in the front window.

Sadly, just a normal night...................

Terek Sand Patrington Haven


Friday, 22 May 2009

Subalp Anniversary

I think 21 years ago today was, at the time, regarded as our greatest days birding ('88, but it might have been '89).  A Subalpine Warbler had been found in Little Hedge and was proving quite elusive and regular birding companions Ben, Steve Mulligan and a few others had been led a merry dance for good views until it was trapped and ringed.  In-the-hand views of a female.  Excellent.  Previous to this we'd been wandering past the obs when Barry came out to stop us and show us a Red-breasted Flycather he'd just trapped at the Warren.  Us being young and still learning he pointed out the tail pattern.
"There, look at the white tear-drops on the tail" said Barry as he fanned it's tail for us.
"Oh yeah" said Ben.
"Cheers Barry" said I.

Kentish Plover off the narrows followed by another in-the-hand view, this time of a Grasshopper Warbler.
PLus good numbers of more common stuff.
Great days as a 14 year-old.

Back to today.  Spurn.
Early morning visual migration watching at Spurn from first light just south of the Warren.  Most of the regulars now stand at the top end of Clubley's which affords wide ranging views across the area.  Years ago, we stood at the Narrows but today I decided on New Road on a dune.  Alone.

Hirundines moving had been the order of the week so far, with red-arsed hirundines passing through on three out of four days.Where I was stood along the peninsular (anag: 'lunar penis' which means moon cock) is very narrow so all birds filtering through were passing close to me making bi-nocular action irrelevant which was good because the were streaming through very fast.  No red-arsed hirundine passed me but good numbers of other stuff did.

06:30 - 08:00 every fucking thing south unless otherwise stated:
129 Swallow
96 House Martin
6 Sand Martin
10 Swift
11 Jackdaw
7 Carrion Crow
4 Mipits
12 Goldfinch
2 Chaffinch
1 Greenfinch
11 Linnet
3 Kestrel
2 Tufted Duckies out east
1 Grey Footballers Wives and Girlfriend
24 Woodpigeon
4 Collard Dove
1 Blue-cheeked Bee-eater
12 LBB Gull
5 BH Gull

Really though, a Blue-cheeked Bee-eater was seen flying north-west over a town in Holland the day before, to which I reckoned it may continue on that path, make landfall somewhere north of Spurn sometime last night, then relocate south this morning passing through Spurn at 7:23am to my calculations and to my fucking brilliant amazement................IT DID!!  Brilliant!

Did it fuck, but it was worth a go.

Went to Easington for an Iccy from yesterday.  No Iccy but I did see a small, dead shark in the middle of the road which on closer inspection turned out to be some large, funny-shaped horse shit.
From a horses hairy arsehole.

Subalpine Warbler, 22nd May (maybe) 1988 (or 89)


Sunday, 17 May 2009

Spurn Point.........

Walked the triangle. A Golen Oriole has been around but typically flighty and elusive. I came across two birders that were obviously twins and looked quite remarkably like Harry Enfield! Both of them! Ha. They really did, it was just great.

1 Fulmar
1 Marsh Harrier (cream-crown, south)
3 Sedge Warbler
1 Little Egret
2 Wheatear
2 Tim-nice-but-Dims (blogging)
14 Barwits went south, and
4 Greylags south was about the best of it.

Some regulars were viz-migging, and as ever check out the full list numbers on the website.
On arrival at the Warren, a Golden Oriole was singing in the bushes which had me straining my neck and eyeballs, alas to no avail. It was bright sunshine and the Humber foreshore would be an ideal suntrap for an Oriole wanting to express it's sexual urges to a passing female so I wandered whether it was sat out in view. I wondered over onto the shore and the bird flushed and perched not too far away. A few birders joined me and we had good views of a young male. Fucking nice, pet.

On the way back, I had a brief look around Easington where 2 Grey Partridge showed well and a Yellowhammer was doing a piss.


Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Spurn. Hume's!

Went to Spurn. I think perhaps Greenish Warbler is a shit name for such a creature. Surely it's either Green or it isn't? Green-ish? What the fuck does that mean? Green-ish is sitting on the fence don't you agree? When Charles Darwin was inventing names for birds (it definately WAS him who named ALL birds so don't argue) when it came to this species he was a bit stuck.

"Hmmmmmm...........Green Warbler? no got one of those already.........Silvery-Green Warbler? nope that's a shite name..........[thinks....]...........Well it's sort of Green. Ish. Greenish! fuck it that'll do, I've still got half the passerines to do so fuck it".

So, a Green Ish reported yesterday up Beacon Lane had today been relocated, seen a bit better, called and metamorphosisted (get fucked) into a Hume's Leaf Yellow-browed Hume's Warbler.

Brief views after a long wait now meant I had to fuck off back to Hull to fit 3 windows as promised to the customer. Back to the van, pulled off from near the Bluebell and just glanced up Beacon where I saw a couple of lads with a trot-on (legging it). Better see what's going on. on re-arrival I found that they'd trapped the poor little bastard by encapsulating it in a net that it could not even see! After processing, in-the-hand views were had by all which included one photographer putting his quite large lens literally a millimetre from the bird. The assembled birders were happy but the Hume's was fucking shitting a brick.


Hume's Warblers are actually as big as a Crow, so
how fucking massive does that make Paul's hand?


Monday, 11 May 2009

Spurn. Again.

6 Wheateaters,
2 ChuffedChavs (they were pleased with themselves after stealing a moped in their burb caps),
1 Coocoo
439 White-throated Warblers
3 Stocked Doves went North
12 Meadow Bibidz
2 Little Turds
1 Sandwedge Turd
and some dog turds but not past the gate as dogs a strictly prohibited on the reserve.

Thursday, 7 May 2009


The morning started as normal. Small child awoke and shouted "Daddy........Mummy..........Daddy.........." so we all got up and watched the very educational Spongebob Squarepants who lives in a pineapple under the sea. Small child was taken, by van, to Grandparents for the day and I went off to do a few jobs then went to Spurn for a few hours. There was a Serin kicking about but I didn't see it.

(reader: why the fuck did we have to go through all that just to be told that you saw fuck all. What a fucking Nobhead).


Sunday, 3 May 2009

Possibly probable Monty's

A Monty's reported at Blacktoft Sands Royal Society for the Protection of Birds nature reserve but not seen since early morn. But not looked for since early morn apparently. Looked in a couple of hides first, which produced Avocets and displaying Marsh Harriers which was good. You could actually see the male's cocks if you viewed them at the right angle.

Went to have a look on the back fields where I thought a Monty's might like to live. Immediately, a distant slim harrier got up and flew low over the crop fields and went down fucking miles away pet.

I could not relocate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It goes down as a possible. Well, a probable. Well, I'm sure it was but I never clinched it let's say that. But whatever, is anyone really bothered?


Saturday, 2 May 2009


I maybe should've elaborated on yesterdays Alp a litttle more. I really like Alpine Swifts. Is anyone with me on this? They are top birds, in fact I think they are one of my favourite fucking birds in the whole wide world ever ever fucking ever and I fucking LOVE THEM! Jesus, calm down. They're alright.

What else are good? Well my favourite kind of seagull is the Lesser Black-backed Seagull, they're smart as fuck and are definately not as horrible as their big daft 'Greater' brothers.

Erm............Firecrests are mint........erm.....................Black Redstart anyone? Right little characters. And Spanish Yellow Wagtails are fucking magic!

Red-breasted Goose, there's another. I fucking love Red-breasted Geese, which is a very different sentence if you transpose the words "fucking" and "love".


Friday, 1 May 2009

Al Pine

1st May. Sat at home. Tinternet states ‘Alpine Swift, Barton. Showing well, fucking about and that’. In 10 minutes I was there watching it. It is/was great. I love Alps. That’s it.

That's me watching from afar but amazingly,

I haven't even got a hat on as you can see.