Monday, 30 May 2011

Diary of a Twig.

Due to the new found fame of the Bolton Abbey twig, it's schedule has changed drastically with public appearances filling its diary instead of being shat on by ultra rare Buntings.
Q@Spurn takes a look at where the Twig has been found since becoming an overnight celebrity:

Movie Premieres with top gash


Topical News Shows with former Arsenal footballer Paul Merson

Taken from this week's guest publication "Twigs and You"

...and hospital visits.

The drunker I get, the more immature a become.
Which I suppose is a common trait.


Saturday, 28 May 2011

Football Post

Come on Messi and co.

For the sake of football, come on Barca.  If the Mancs bastards win tonight it will be a travesty.  Barca, even Man U fans will tell you, are the best team and play the best football in the world.  By a fucking mile. They're the best team I've ever seen, better than the Milan sides of the late 80s/early 90s which included Rossi, Baresi, Maldini, Costacurta, Dessailly, Gullit, van Basten, Riiiijjkjjaaaard, Donadoni, Kenny Dalglish and Ian Ormandroyd. 

Even better than the Liverpool sides of the 70s/80s with Kenny, Souness, Whelan, Nicol, Brucey, Terry Mcdermot super sub David Fairclough, and beanpole striker Kevin Francis.

By the way, watch the midfield interplay of Barca.  It's amazing. Just watch Xavi, Iniesta, and Busquets (underated), and the way they switch positions.  If they've got the ball it's generally Busquets that sits in letting the other two go. That's quite simple football.  It's when they haven't got the ball that's interesting.  Whoever picks a runner, whoever goes to win the ball, whoever picks up Rooney when he drops deep tonight, the others cover what is required.  They switch round, whoever's nearest goes and the other two drop, mark or cover.  Watch Rooney tonight, he will be dropping deep tonight, 1) to help the midfield when they haven't got the ball, and 2) to get into the game when they do have the ball.  Watch who picks him up.  It'll be one of the three but at some point ALL of them will pick him up.  It reminds me a little of Chelsea's organisation when they first came to the KC.  As soon as they lost the ball you could look and see a perfect 4-4-2 in an instant.  Joe Cole was on the left but made a run and finished on the right, Chelsea lost the ball and you'd have thought they'd have an imbalance.  No chance, 4-4-2 immediately!  Cole dropped in right, someone shuffled left, lampard dropped in...pretty awesome to watch which is what tonight should be but I feel Ferguson will adopt a defensive method tonight.  His Man United arrogance keeps telling us that "This club doesn't know how to defend, we attack".  I hope they do attack, Barca will murder them if they play them at their own game.  Ferguson will have noted Mourihno's approach in all of the Classico's this season, from the 5-0 drubbing (what a game) to the 0-1 AET Copa del Ray final.

It could be a dull (ish) first half.  (0-0 at half time 7/4 anyone?) 

And Victor Chandler are offering to refund bets if Rooney or a certain Mr Lionel Messi score at any time tonight which is a steal to any of you gambling men.

Got a bit carried away on football there.

Erm.....12 Goldfinch south, a fucking Smew, 14 White-fronts and a horses big black bouncing cock.  That was just to carry on the theme of my blog and keep you all happy.

THE great Liverpool side of the 80s including
Terry McDermott (second row, 3rd right)


Wednesday, 25 May 2011

I knew I had something to tell you....

...or nothing as the case may be.

Just a polite notice to everyone who e-mailed me asking for Ollie's number:

No, he doesn't always dress like that and no, you can't meet him privately.  And particularly to "therapist" via Private Message on Birdforum:  I really don't think he does that sort of thing, but yes, his Norks are nice.  Also, I think you've missed a space out of your username, I think there should be a space after the "e" but thanks for getting in touch.

So what did I have to tell you?
Well, I went vis-migging and chose probably the quietest day at Spurn for a while. I was "expecting" a Red-Rumped Swallow or a Monty's at some point which shows just how Spurn has been this Spring.  Expect a Red-Rump?  Expect a Monty's?  You almost come away disappointed this year if you don't see at least one of these or something rarer like Bee-eater, Black Kite, Purple Heron......etc. 

As I say, today was relatively quiet with Swallows at a trickle.  Still, I'd missed a Serin by an hour and then decided to go check Sammy's as nearly all birders on site where vis-migging at the top of Clubley's (rightly so, even during a "quiet" day, they sit/stand all day and always pull something decent - rewards for the dedication I suppose, just look at the quality and quantity HERE).  I popped into Easington shop for a sarnie and bumped into Garry.  Then on reading his account for the day it must've been just as I left the shop his radio went off and he shot off to catch up with a Monty's at the narrows!  Big Brown Balls.  The Monty's had totally bypassed me as I got to Sammy's.  Still, at Sammy's there was MASSIVE recompense with a Cuckoo, 2 Yellow Wags, 3 Wheatears and some horses.  One horse had it's horse cock out and it obviously knew it.  When I say it looked at me funny, it really did, and honestly it was a proper funny look.  It was quite unnerving really, it was stood about 7 feet away, fence between us mind, but it stared at me and followed me with his eyes as I went past.  It KNEW it had it's big black horse cock out and it was as if it was looking for some sort of reaction from me.  I kid you not.  I've decided horses are fucking bombed out when they've got their cocks out and will have nothing to do with them in this state in the future.

Hoss Cock

Vis-migging totals:
352 Swallows
32 House Martin
1 Marsh Harrier (north)
3 Alba Wags (north)
1 Turnstone
some other stuff,
no Monty's
no horse
4 Losing interest with this
12 Better end it (north)
74 Getting silly now
1 Tawny Pipit a few days later on Lagoons which showed quite nicely considering the HOWLING wind and a probable Water Pipit which looked just like a Water Pipit except that I couldn't see it's head for some dense grass.

Water Pipette

Betwixt the lack of Monty's and the Tawny was a lack of Black Stork.  I had an airport run (Heathrow) so popped just a couple of miles off the M1 on the way back and didn't see the Black Stork that had been around for a few days.  Then I came home to see this on the TV:

BBC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines

Seems a bit sexist.
Then I sat down and started checking last nights lottery.
"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job" said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking it.

"Fuck that, the first thing I'm gonna get is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo" I replied.

"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one" she said.

"My point exactly."


Sunday, 22 May 2011

Genuine Guest Entry.

I've got birding tales to tell you, honestly, tales of no Black Storks, no Red Rump Swallows and definately no Montagu's Harrier.  But that's as maybe.  But as for today...hang on I've just started two sentences with conjunctions.  Is this okay?  To be honest I'm not particularly bothered.  The Bible is full of them.
"And Jesus bestowed onto Moses the artful deed and asked him to come forth.  Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and the harp. And Moses paid Magdalene 15 Guineas for the sordid deed" Matthew 25:17

I digress (trans: talk shite).

But as for today we have a proper bona fide guest entry!  Perhaps the previous guest entries from LEE and DAVE THE LORRY DRIVER weren't exactly genuine (really?) but today's is.  Honestly!  Why do you not believe me? 

Today's post is from Glenn Howard "Ollie" Oliver, 40, from Hessle.  Ollie tells us all about his day at Flamborororough.  Ollie looks like this:

This is nothing to do with his stag night at all.

Take it away Duice:

So, that was that then.

After a while of pondering 'what's that twitching lark all about?' and being asked by MQ to do a guest blog quite some time ago, I decided to take the tribe up to Flamborough with a telescope to look for some birds, maybe me and the little one can catch sight of Guillemot, Puffin, Fulmar, Kittiwake or Oystercatchers. I ripped that off the RSPB information board.

As it happens we didnt see anything of the sort. Only gulls making a racket and shitting everywhere, namely on my car. Bastard gulls. Telescopes aren't very good for catching sight of fast flying birds. We did see some dead blokes ashes plopped in a big mound overlooking the North Sea though, I know it was a bloke because it had some flags in it saying grandad and uncle. Also saw some gull corpses, some sheep and I think a low flying Cormorant, are they big black things with a long neck that fly quite low over the sea?

Needless to say I was underwelmed with this ornithology stuff and so was the little one, but she loved the ice cream and i bought some fresh crab and crayfish tails, so not a wasted journey then.

Something I did notice, you'll never be stuck for a seat at Flamborough, must be a garden furniture dumping ground nearby....


p.s. I did see the bird thats shown in the photo at work if thats any good, does that make me a twitcher now? I think it had a red bill.

It's a bastard Goldfinch Ol.

Well, thanks to Ollie there.  I liked the bit about never being stuck for a seat.  There are about 48 benches situated "in loving memory of" people who "loved the view from here".  We pondered this together in the Granby.  Before they all died and had a bench placed in memoriam of them, they all must have had to stand up and admire the view.  There used to be loads of them just stood there, in random places keeping themselves to themselves looking out to sea in the bracing sea air.  Gradually, the people were replaced with benches with small, gold plaques on them. 

In Loving Memory of
George Albert Spim
He loved the view from here.


Note addition of tights (his idea) and Cardigan.


Thursday, 19 May 2011

Just back from Bolton Abbey

Been to Bolton Abbey this morning on the back of evidence that the Rock Bunting was indeed there a while ago and the fact that not many people have been to search for it.  I managed a possible but I'm not very good at Buntings to be honest.  I got a photo on my phone through bins for what it's worth.  Has anyone any suggestions?

I know it's a bit blurred but there was a Wood Warbler singing which put me right off.

Thanks in advance.

Seriously, DON'T click on the image.
My PC has been behaving as if it's had a virus even though
a scan shows nothing.

........and don't fill the car up and point it towards the Dales....


Saturday, 7 May 2011

Part III

So after North Cave Wetlands where I saw the Caspo burger (I've since decided that the bill was fine for a Caspo burger and I should stop pretending that I have the slightest clue about Gulls, particularly sub-adult Gulls) I bricked it straight to Spurn. Gee, it was windy. Not many birders around though. I went to the Warren and had a look for the female Subalpine Warbler which showed very well for 10 minutes down to 10 yards.

The end.


Thursday, 5 May 2011

North Cave Wetlands and Spurn Bird Observatory Oh Yeah.

Good evening.

Today I went to North Cave Wetlands and Spurn Bird Observatory, so today's title is not misleading at all. NCW is one of those places where you have to be placed in a hide to view the area. Turret Hide gives an almost 360 degree view of the area so it was from here that I chose to look for the Caspian Gull that had been frequenting the reserve. I picked up a suspect immediately. The bloke on my right had tattoos so I thought he had to be an alright bloke. Tatts equals decent bloke. How wrong I was. He was a right CUNT. That's right, I used the word CUNT. I asked this CUNT if he was looking for the Caspian and if so I've got a probable here if you'd like to take a look? He CHUNTERED 'it was here this morning' so I helpfully followed it up with offering to put him on the bird. Do you know what the CHUNTERING CUNT said? I'll tell you, nothing! He said fuck all and glared at me for quite a few seconds. Proper glared at me. You can't help some people. Anyway, the Caspian looked like one to me, but I'm a bit rubbish, apart from the bill which looked slightly too bulky and a little hooked. But like I say, I'm a bit rubbish.

The End.

I'll tell you about Spurn tomorrow cos I'm reading the spanking new edition of the 2010 report which you all should buy you bastards.

Do you think I'm abusive to you, my sad and lonely readers? I mean, I just called you bastards! Perhaps I shouldn't call you bastards from now on.

I'll try to stop.