Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Howay pet.

Sat Nav? I've got something called Ovi Maps. On my phone. It's a built-in sat nav basically. I've never used it. But yesterday I did. But I shouldn't have bothered. These sentences are very short. I don't know why. They make me sound a bit of a stupid twat. And, let me tell you, using sat nav made me look the stupidest twat imaginable. Hartlepool Headland? Yeah, I've got a rough idea how to get there, M62, Market Weighton, go towards York, skirt York to the west for A1 action or east for A19 action. But hey, I'll put the sat nav on, might as well. It's there, may as well use it. Towards York the sweet voice of the hot chick from sat nav world told me to 'at the roundabout take the 3rd exit'. Third exit? Nah, she's trying to take me A19 I'm gonna go A1 today. First exit instead. The chick from sat nav land then turned into Cheryl Cole and pipes up 'recalculating route pet'. Now I really really would, as all men would, I'd wear her like a hat and everything, but the routes she was trying to take me were quite mental.

Long boring story short, I tried to reroute her, then didn't believe her, then believed her so followed her, then realised that she didn't have a function that said 'turn around when possible' which was the crux of the problem. Three hours and twenty minutes later and I arrived at the headland and looked at the Western Orphean Warbler then turned Chezza off on the way back and did the return in two hours dead. Fucking sat nav. Well, a bit of me too. In short our Chezza really needs rooting but as for routeing she's a bit shit pet. I would wear her like a fucking hat pet.

Today's initial plan was to see Spurn's Roller then go up north for Orphean action. The rarity value got to me and I did Britain's 6th and the first twitchable one since 81 first, alas, the Roller wasn't seen after midday. Alas indeed. Rarities are all well and good but rarities on your favoured birding area are different.

And that.

But anyway, after last year's White Throated Robin and now the (now dead) Orphean, Hartlepool Headland has become THE Spring destination for birders. Indeed the local B&Bs are already inundated with bookings for next year. The locals have hit a goldmine and have advertised rooms at hugely inflated prices almost as if the World Cup was coming to town. Online, rooms are being advertised at a staggering £18 including breakfast and the price of a pint in the bowling club is set to rocket to £1.60 for stout and a staggering £1.35 for a parnt o' marld. When I asked the club owner what he was going to spend his annual windfall on he said "probably another cracking rarity from the Portland car park pet. Summat like a Moussier's Redstart. We'll 'trap' that fucker and milk arl you dry again like. Howay an shite an a canny bag o tudor"

Thanks to Peter Beardsley there for the interview.


Friday, 25 May 2012

Buzzards set back Lightyears

Fellow blog persons have already spoke about the crazy DEFRA driven Buzzard persecution at some depth and have little to add to what has already been said. Although the irony that has been missed is that Buzzard numbers are to be controlled (thus reduced) to allow more Pheasants to be available to be shot. Dead.

Get it? Reduce Buzzard numbers so more of the species they are 'protecting' can be killed!

Killed. With a big, fuck off gun.

Hmmm. It's the craziest thing I've seen since Richard Fairbrass released Deeply Dippy. And that was crazy.

Saw a Pallid Harrier last week. After 3 visits to Patrington I finally managed to get a view of it for a massive 5 seconds. Elusive? You can bet your entire ballsack it was elusive. I did not see a Creamy Colourationed Courser though as some evil bastard, who will remain nameless, left without me and successfully scored with it. I did actually text him that I hoped the fucker gets eaten by a cat just before he got there. But it didn't.


Sunday, 13 May 2012

another guest entry from Lee, Bucks.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, my subjects to another grammatically prefect blog post from yours truly, LGME. As leader of British birding and anti coalition government (BOU/BBRC) campaigner, UKIP400 is proud to bring you the news that the Flamboro Flycatcher is a nominate race Eurasian Common Nominate Pied Flycatcher (baroli) as I always have to add random words to the standard name to make me sound that bit more important. I saw this bird and knew immediately that this was a clear Eurasian Common Pied Flycatcher and my, sorry, UKIP400 advisory board's splitting of Iberian Pied Flycatcher the same day was merely coincidental and was not aimed at giving me some insurance of a tick when DNA results were known.

I now come to my second incredibly balanced point on taxonomy. It is with great surprise that UKIP400 are to LUMP two species into one, something that I, sorry, UKIP400's advisory board have never done in it's gracious 30 year history. The species LGRE and a very similar species are to be lumped together to form one, the LGME (Lee George Michael Evans) as the advisory board feel they are inseparable in the field. Features such as perma-stubble around the moustachial stripe reaching the ear coverts, gold cross below the left ear coverts, crest swept back, denim hot pants around the vent are all typical of both taxa. Indeed the only feature that separates the two in the field is that the eyes are strangely too close together in the former.

I am thinking of issuing law suits to various websites and individuals that take the mickey out of me and my party. Especially this one. In fact I will not be writing anymore guest entries for Q. That will show him. May I add that the Flamborough Eurasian Common Pied Male Flycatcher (baroli) has been at Flamborough since November as there was one at Filey around that time and has clearly relocated.

I'm off to sing Father Figure to passers-by in Soho.

Thankyou for your continued support.


Thanks to Lee from Beds or Bucks whichever it is. Nominate Eurasian Common Pied Fly? Really who'd have guessed it? I give up. It's all just to hard. There.


Saturday, 5 May 2012

Charles Atlas

Hello and good evening to all.  Liverpool have just been beat in the Cap Finoow and, therefore have failed to extend their lead over Man U in the overall trophy standings as most successful English team ever.  The Mancs only count titles at the minute as that's the only stat they're in front at.

Enough of them bastards.  Actually, no, tweet of the fucking decade (aka ever) was Rio fucking Ferdinand saying that Man City fans are "glory hunters".  Ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

I was at a fancy dress party last night.  The theme was 'detectives'.
I went as Bodie, obviously, but noticed my black mate naked in the corner with a piece of wood stuck up his arse.  "What the fuck have you come as?"


Is that racialist?  Not sure really but if it is then sobeit.  alloneword.

I did laugh though and I'm no racialist.  Nyaaa!

Atlas Fly?  I've seen the Flamboro bird.  What a cracker.  I'll reiterate that, WHAT A CRACKING BIRD.  This, for me, is like no other Pied or Collared I've ever seen.  It's jizz, the way it acts, the brightness of the white in the plumage.........erm.....this is something I've never seen before.  It's a stunner.  In my opinion (and with DNA evidence on the way) I'm sticking my neck out ( but then retracting it - see later) that this bird is a pure Iberian race Pied.  If....should I say IF 2nd calender year birds follow the general rule for adult males then my vote right now is fully in the Iberian camp.  Literature is such that 2cy birds are not fully covered.  Sort of.  My opinion right now is that the range of features fit Iberian nore than Atlas but I accept that in one years time in this birds life, the forehead patch, the patch at the base of the primaries etc could turn out to be typical Atlas.  Right now it fits Iberian but it is within Atlas's scope.  I'm gonna say it.......with the obvious chance of ridicule.......this isn't a hybrid.  |Repeat, this isn't a hybrid.  I'm no expert, I'll leave it at that.

No I won't, what a great bird.  This is different.  Go see the bastard.

I still haven't managed to get a post on Birdforum through (i.e. un-editted by the facist admin)  that contained the word minges.  And it's not for the want of trying.  I first attempted to have the word minges recognised officially on Birdforum after the Western Sand twitch with the Secret Twitcher during which he killed four Badgers, a Horse, seven voles and Meryl Streep then ate fourteen tins of Corned Beef for pack up.  He never offered me any.  I will get minges through and officially uneditted on Birdforum.  Believe me.  Having failed 813 times it is now an obsession.  Look out for it.

It will be on the Atlas Fly thread somewhere,  Shall I do it once and for all?  It is my ambition to have the word minges NOT deleted/editted on Birdforum.  Game on mo fo's.

A Hat.