1. In your post "The Opponent Lottery" you say, and I quote "I simply undid my belt, jumped out of the car, gave the international hands-by-your-sides gesture for 'come on then'...." does this mean you were going to whip the lorry driver with your belt or that you took your belt off just so your trousers would fall down?
It was just so my trousers would fall down, Jim
2. Hi Q, how many birds are there in the world?
Hi Molly. It's a tricky one to answer, but I've always thought it was about 9500.
3. Do you think mankind will ever visit another galaxy?
Brian, address withheld.
No Brian, I don't think so. Our galaxy to is some 100,000 light years across, so at the speed of light (which is physically impossible) it would take 100,000 YEARS (!) to cross it, never mind get to another galaxy!
4. What's your favourite, Golden Grahams or Cinnamon Grahams?
I haven't tried Cinnamon Grahams, so by default, Golden Grahams.
5 Will putting a plastic Heron i my garden scare away little birds like finches and tits? I don't want to scare finches and tits away, I just like the Heron. My wife's Dad, my father-in-law, bought a plastic Heron online but when the package came, they'd sent two by mistake! So I got the spare one out of the loft.
I don't think a plastic Heron will scare away little birds like finches, Jim. Although they might not go too close. And thanks for the interesting story regarding the plastic Heron dispatch cock-up.
6. Does birds do flying south when?
I have no idea what you are asking whatsoever Peter.
7. What's your favourite area at Spurn?
I like canal hedge. Although I preferred it years ago when you could walk between here and little hedge. It's the area I cover first.
8. How's your blog going?
Erm, you're asking a strange question there, Craig. The question implies you don't read it, or you'd already know how it's going. Which means you're not interested in it. And if you're not interested in it, why are you asking about it? Ginger twat.
9. Why are you always having a go at me in your blog? Can't we be friends?
That's two questions Lee so fuck off.
10. Can't you just answer my first question please?
That's three now Lee. For fuck's sake, you can only have one.
11. Jim from Sheffield's had two. Why do you keep on having a go at me in your blog?
Cos I want to. Happy now?
12. Is there any chance of a virtual tour of Spurn?
Yes, I can do that for you Colin. Quite a good idea that.
13. Who's gonna win the fucking World Cup?
As in the next one? Fucking Spain. You started the swearing.
14. Are any of these questions real?
Yes, some of them are, Elvis.
15. Can't we just be friends?
Lee, will you just fuck off.
16. Why did you mention my bellend in one of your posts?
Bill Oddie, London.
I don't really know, Bill. Sorry if it caused offence or embarrassment. I wasn't suggesting anything about you bellend. I've never even seen it, for the record, readers.
17. In your post from 7th April, there's picture of a bird with the caption "a person from lincs" underneath. What does that mean?
The bird is a Yellow-bellied Sapsucker, Graham. Does that explain it now?
18. Are you just padding this out just to get to a round 20 questions?
Anon, 17 Cliff Terrace, Portsmouth.
Bill, Question 16.