Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Guest Entry from John

I've just been looking through my drafts that get saved when I either don't finish a post or don't think it's worthy (yeah right) of posting to the general public when I came across this.  I cannot remember writing it so I was clearly drunken.  Anyway, have a look:

Following on from Lee's guest entry (here) and Dave the Lorry Driver's guest entry (here) today we've got someone from the world of fishing to give us an insightful account of his day on the river Trent yesterday.

Now then.
My name's John and I live in Nottingham.  Not too far from my house is a river called the Trent and it has some fish in it.  Yesterday I decided to go down to the Trent fishing as it's not far from me.  Fishing's something I love and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember.  Some of you people interested in birds will relate to me in that it's a great escape from every day life and it's just great to be out in the fresh air in the peaceful, idyllic and often beautiful natural surroundings.  I loaded my rod, bait and hooks and that onto the car.  It's not far to the Trent from my house.  After driving not too far I arrived at my 'peg', that's what we in the fishing world call it. I unpacked my rod, bait hooks and that, and started getting set up.  Then disaster!  I'd forgotten my little chair that I sit on!  Good job it's not too far to my house, heh heh.  I had to pop back for it.  I returned to the Trent pretty soon cos it's not too far away and unpacked my rod, bait and hooks and that again.  Finally, I was set up.  Great.  Looks a nice day. Nice and calm, not too many fishing.  Looking good.  A Swan swam upto me so I fed it some bread then discarded a couple of hooks and some line directly into it's stupid fucking orange beak.  That'll teach the fucker.

Finally, I cast out......waited.......waited....then caught a fucking FISH!  Then I cast out again and waited.....then waited..... then caught a fucking FISH!  I cast out again and waited, and caught a fucking FISH!  I cast out a bit further this time and waited and waited and I caught a fucking FISH!  Then I waited again and caught a FISH!  Then I caught another FISH!  Then I caught a FISH!  Then I caught another fucking FISH!  What a great day.

Well, thanks for that John, sounds like a great fucking hobby.


Well was it really worth posting?  I'm not sure.  But anyway, it pads this shite out a bit doesn't it?  As for birding, I have nothing to say.  As for Christmas, I have nothing to say.  As for New Year, not a jot.  It seems every year of blogging I refuse to be drawn into the merriment of Yuletide with absolutely no Christmas messages for you all.  Does this make me a miser? 


Thursday, 3 January 2013

Black Hole Shenanigans

I'm sorry I haven't bothered you for some time.  Bitterly sorry.  My lack of bothering you lied with the supposed "end of the world" and my deep apathy for the whole idea.  The Mayan calendar?  I did not post for a while as if the "end of the world" was REALLY nigh then what's the point of posting?  It would be a waste of everyone's time and that time would be precious to us all at that point in the universe. Then I realised that I really didn't believe the notion of the "end of the world" just because some marginal Guatemalan pseudo-religion's calendar was about to finish, but THEN I was in no way going to post such apathy before the 21st of December, no way Jose.  I mean, what if I berated the Mayans and all their misadventure and claimed that it was all nonsense only to be proved wrong?  How would I look then?  Just as a huge asteroid broke through the Earth's atmosphere and hurtled down to wreak devastation and the end of civilisation, you'd be thinking "That Q hasn't got a fucking clue what he's talking about" and you would've been right.  As the Swiss scientists (et al) were colliding particles searching for dark matter and particles such as the Higgs Boson and accidentally created a black hole thus creating an infinite gravitational pull which would ultimately condense the world (with you inside) down the size of a small pea, they all laughed as they were stretched infinitely and chuckled "That Q looks very stupid now, ja?"

So I couldn't win.  You see?

I was gonna do a "joke" that the leader of the Mayans is Simon Salad Cream, who has a sort of lumpy face, but then realised that:

a)   No one would get it
b)   The "joke" is ripped hopelessly from Viz, and
c)   It's not really a very good joke.

So I didn't

Hang on.  I think I'm onto something about black holes....

.....hang on, bear with me......

.......right.  Right, I think I've got it.  A black hole is created when a giant star becomes so massive it's gravity outweighs it's mass and it implodes under its own gravity, sort of.  Right?  So, whatever the Swiss scientists could ever do, it couldn't add any mass at all to the mass already inside the atmosphere, right?  If you have a ball that weighs one kilogram whatever you did inside it wouldn't add mass would it?  Unless you poured some sugar in.  So there.  The Black hole theory disproved, just like I proved that Time Machines will NEVER exist (click here).  Do I win a prize?

Or actually they may be thinking that a relative black hole could be created within our time/space but only relative on a very small scale?  No, it can't be right, Quantum Physics works for the very large AND the very small.  I know I talk some shite but if anyone can comment further, please do.

Example of a Black Hole.
Although this is of course an artists impression and
not a very accurate impression of one at that.
So there.

Another example of a Black Hole,
Our lasses fucking purse.