Monday, 22 September 2014

A Day in the Life

I read rare bird news today oh boy
About a lucky man who found a Shrike
And though the news it said Woodchat
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He put his shutter speed too low
He didn't notice that the light had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen this Shrike before
Nobody was really sure if this was a Woodchat at all!
I saw the film today oh boy
It showed the Shrike looking like a Masked,
A crowd of people turned up anyway 
And I just had to look
And consulted a book
I'd love to seeeeeeee thaaaaaaat Shriiiiiiiiike....

Jumped up, got out of bed
Dragged a sponge? across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late
Found my scope and kicked a cat
Made the car in seconds flat
Found my way inside and had some coke
somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I read the news today oh boy
A third for Britain at Spurn Point, Yorkshire
And though the crowds were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many twitchers it takes to fill Hull City Hall
I'd love to turn you on

Lyrics by Q with a little help from my friends Paul, John, George, Richard Starkey. 
And Mr Sting. 


Saturday, 13 September 2014

Rio bastard Ferdinand rant

Is it just me that is sick to the fucking back teeth of Rio Ferdinand fucking exclusives in the papers? He's a cock. He's a fucking manc cock who has bigged  himself up throughout his shite career. His goal celebration tells you everything. Someone else scores. He runs the full length of the pitch, thus arriving on the scene later and jumps over the top of his stinking manc team mates and all the photos in the fucking press show that bastard splashed all over the back page. He looks like Plug out the Bash Street Kids. And he's on coke. There, I said it.

Rio Ferdinand exclusive: Man U let me go to QPR.
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: My story about Welbeck going to Arsenal.
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: I do a piss in the morning. 
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: Who gives two flying fucks about what I think exclusive.

I'll tell you what fucking Ferdinand, fuck off you fucking mancs bastard you fucking stinking twat. If you fancy your chances I'll meet you anywhere and give you a proper kicking you stinking mancs bastard. And he played for them stinking white bastards too! Fuck me, can you get any worse? He might as well go and play for Jihadi Beheading XI just to complete the set. 

There, I said it.
Excellent rant.

1 Curlew. 


Thursday, 11 September 2014


I've found a patch. Sort of. I was wasting time as the kids were asleep in the back of the car and Fats wasn't leaving work for another 20 minutes, the conundrum being : children asleep : 7-8 minutes from home : by the time I got home it's nearly time to leave to pick fats up : may even wake children in process of going in 'home' : ergo, pointless trip home, : ergo, may as well wait around here (here being St. Andrews Quay just off the A63 in Hull). Hang on, I have binocular aids with me. I'll have a quick scout round the bushes near Mr Chu's the chinese restaurant in which I saw Two Jags Prescott once which is a top celebrity story I think you'll agree. I 'birded' from the car and viewed only two bushes! These two bushes held 3 Willow, 2 Whitethroat, 2 Greeneth Fincheth and 2 Robins. Okay. And? Well it gave me enough in 7andahalfminutes to warrant a return next morneth with more time.

Next morneth, more time, although only halfanhour:
5 Willow
1 Chiff
6 Whitethroat
1 Reedeth Bunting
1 Lesser Whitethroat
1 Reed Warbler.

Now this isn't bad. The 'patch' is on the side of the Humber, I think liddle blighters fly south, see an expanse of water and ditch down for a bit. I actually had my phone in my hand after viewing the Reed W in a few short bursts. The first few times I saw it, it was in Elders, scurrying down branches and it looked short winged! The jizz and the habitat (there were a million rushes right next to the Elders it preferred) said 'not reed'. I honestly thought I had a Blyths even though I hadn't seen much of it, I had upto now an acro that wasn't behaving like a Reed and I was about to ring for backup and run through a few features. Then it showed well and sat on a rush and it appeared to be a Reed Warbler. The short wings now had a fairly standard 'long' primary projection, the supercil stopped at the tiny eyeball...... I am shit. But you know when something's not right? Well I just had that feeling.

In Henley I saw this sign:

What do you do if you only what a small rug?
Nicola called me stupid.
Maybe I am. Maybe I am when it comes to unstreaked acros anyway.

I will continue to check my little patch, especially as there's easterlies right now and clear weather.