Saturday, 23 May 2009

Local Twitching

Big floppy donkey cocks. How's THAT for a start?

Sat around for the morning, took small child to the park, then sat around waiting for other half to come home from work. Checking on 'tinternet throughout the day gave me the following information: 'Click here to see big Suzie take a load in her face and tits' but even more relevant to this web log diary log blog was this: 'Melodious Warbler, Spurn, in triangle, view from canal. Also Marsh Warbler, Beacon Lane'. Nicola came home to catch the end of Big Suzie's fantastic act and for me to say "I'm off to Spurn. Are you coming for a ride out with small child?"
She declined (bah) so off I set singularily (eh?) hairtailing it (what?) to Spurn (heh).

From the canal almost a flaming hour went by when the Melodious 'suddenly' showed (can a bird NOT 'suddenly' show? As soon as it appears it must be 'sudden' surely?) Only the third record for Spurn and a stunning bright-fucking-yellow-canary-singing-bastard-yellow-fucking-male as well. Smart as fuck. I had only taken binocular-style viewing aids as my telescopic-style viewing aid is out of action. After I'd put the nice couple next to me onto the bird, they allowed me scopic views via their scope. Very nice. Off to Beacon Lane.

On arrival up Beacon Lane there were four blokes in a semi-circle staring directly into and surrounding a single bush. On the other side were another four blokes in a semi-circle staring directly into and surrounding the same single bush. From this single, stared-at, surrounded bush came the dulcet sounds of a Marsh Warbler a-warbling it's tiny heart out.

I think we get the picture as to the Warbler's whereabouts!

"Erm, anyone know where it is?" I asked!!
"It's just in there" whispered a gent and pointed to the single, stared-at, surrounded bush. Irony was lost on this man.

It wasn't showing. Arseface. I was about 3 metres from the lonely bush, I recorded it on my mobile phone just as a video, played it back as loud as it would let me (not very loud), the Marshy approached the phone, I saw it briefly literally within touching distance until it must've realised it was just a Nokia and not a rival male Marshy singing away and proceeded to fuck of in disgust to the next bush. The 8 gents then moved and surrounded it again and stared at the bush. Triumphant, I turned and walked of into the sunset, with a cowboy sort of strut on.

Now then!  Breaking news! Fucking Terek fucking Sandpiper at Patrington fucking Haven fucking fucking fuck.!
6 miles from where I was. "Sound" said I in a Stones Roses Madchester late 80's Happy Mondays stylee.
The road out of Spurn was like Whacky Races with me in overall lead and the Anthill mob somewhere around 6th. One problem, I didn't know EXACTLY where Patrington Haven was! Very poor local knowledge. I went past the caravan site......they're still following..............carried on a bit towards the Humber...they're still following............that must be good otherwise some of them would've stopped. Hang on, I'm sure this is too far......I slowed down. Stopped. All the other cars either stopped or turned 'round or carried on and turned 'round and Penelope Pitstop was fucking fuming, she flashed her minge at me as she flew and shouted "You're a stupid one of these".  Charming.
It wasn't my fucking fault. I'd only carried on because the cars behind carried on, if you know what I mean. But they were following me because they didn't know where it was! Oh fuck it.

We arrived at the site. A really long, long, long, long, sweltering long walk to the bird (half a mile) gave distant views again through a borrowed scope. Couldn't see a cock on it and it had a cracking pair of tits so I aged it as a late-teens female. Not sure how many Tereks there's been in East Yorks but I can't remember many. Anyone know? Let me know Thanks. Great.

Can't fucking wait.

Good day out, went home and got fucking wrecked on lager and strong cider and started getting my cock out to passers-by in the front window.

Sadly, just a normal night...................

Terek Sand Patrington Haven


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