"Where the flaming heck do I go?" I screamed down the telephone.
"Sorry, what was that, I couldn't hear you?" said the gentleman at the other end of the telephone.
"Where the flaming heck do I go?" I said softly down the telephone.
"Just go to Whitton village and view from there" was the helpful response.
This will be easy.
It flaming wasn't.
20 minutes to get to Whitton and I ended up at a couple of dead-ends, one which overlooked the Humber. Had a scan. Scanned again. Scanned some more. Scanning now. Scanning.......you get the picture. No Erne (also known as Flying Barn Door), no birders, no future. This can't be flaming right. Further gen (information) on Birdguides, a grid reference map grid code.
"Right, now we're flaming getting somewhere, pet" I thought to myself as there was no one else there to share my thoughts. But if there was no one else there who the flame was I calling "pet"? I don't know, but I'll find out. Oh look, 2 Swallows! Grid reference entered into portable telephone device. It was actually nearer Broomfleet on the north bank of the Humber where I'd just flaming come from and was nowhere near flaming Whitton village. Oh look, a Marsh Harrier! I tried to Go West nearer the grid ref. and ended up down more dead ends and private lanes in a Lincs village called Alkborough. Oh look, a Grey Heron! Finally got to view the Humber from a decent distance but alas, there was no Flying Barn Door (also known as Poor-Mans Chicken), the little flamer had by now flown north and probably to flaming roost.
Time now to go home and drink lager flavoured drinks and watch Man U get dumped out of Europe by Ze Germans. And they did! Wahay!
A person from Lincolnshire.