I've invented a new game which will help develop childrens skills. It's like Scrabble but with numbers instead of letters. Good game huh? Good idea.
The idea was quickly patented and a prototype made. Dragon's Den next.
We had a test game to see what rules we need to implement, if any.
My imaginary opponent, who I will call Abdul for now, played the first move:
"What the fuck does that say, Abdul?" I said "Is it a proper number?"
"It's Seventy-one thousand, four hundred and sixty-one" said Abdul.
"Oh right, fair enough".
Then I went:
84647598 using his 4.
"Fucking sit on that, Abdul, I've used all my tiles so I get a 50 point bonus, get in there" I said.
"Eighty-four million, six-hundred and fourty-seven thousand, five-hundred and ninety-eight is a great word, well done".
Abdul went again.
"What the flying fuck does THAT say, Abdul for fuck's sake?"
"Twenty-nine thousand, nine hundred and eighteen"
"Oh, okay, it is a proper number. Hang on Abdul, what tiles have you got left in your tile-racker thing?"
"Zero and zero".
"Well why didn't you add them on the end and spell Two million, nine-hundred and ninety-one thousand, eight hundred instead of Twenty-nine thousand, nine hundred and eighteen? You'd have got the 50 point bonus for using all your tiles then Abdul".
"Oh yeah" said Abdul.
After that, me and Abdul got a fifty point bonus every time we went to the board which rendered it pretty fucking pointless. Well, not "pointless" cos we got loads of points, I mean pointless as in "There's no point to this, Abdul".
We finished the game and withdrew our patent.
Next week: Ker-Plunk with Sugar- the new higher scoring version!
Me and Abdul were really very good at Numbers Scrabs.