I talk a lot of predictive text on here but today threw up a strange one. I was texting Nicola something and used the word 'earlier'. So I spelt 'earlier' and it was going well until the last letter and it gave the word 'darkies' as the first option! Now picture Kyle's mom off South Park saying 'What what WHAT?'. So really, how in god's name has the word darkies darkened the halls of Nokia HQ? It's a strange thought but when Ian Nokia was designing the new smart Nokia N8 (I'm flash as fuck, me) and thinking of functions and that, when he got to the predictive text section he must've asked himself 'Now what words should we put in, we can't put them all in?' and he's added darkies and earliest. Darkies? What the fuck is he doing putting darkies in? Ha ha ha ha is he one of those racialists? You see, he didn't even add the word 'racialist' mainly due to the fact that it's not a real word (I'm posting from my phone again which is why you've not had any childish pictures at the end of every post just lately). So, darkies! I couldn't quite believe it. Darkies! Darkies? I'm gratuitously writing the word darkies just because it's the first time I've ever been allowed to use the word darkies without fear of being labelled a racialist.
Anyway, it amused my tiny mind for most of the day.
I've just watched a cat 'stuck' up a tree. It was quite high and was clearly looking for a way down. There was no way down. I envisaged a short trip to the van, which is parked outside a corner shop owned by those earlier people, to get my ladders to rescue said cat. Cats get stuck up trees right? The fire brigade rescue them right? So how come this one just shimmied down the trunk using it's...erm...cat-like...claws? Easy. It just got down. It moved a bit like Catwoman and what would you do to her eh? Fuck me. There's a cheap pussy joke in there somewhere but I'm not going there.
Catwoman, fit as she is, is not the fittest fictional character/super hero out there. No way man. What about Wonder Woman? Now you're fucking talking. And what about Jessica Rabbit off Who Framed Roger Rabbit? What would what you do with her/it?
You fucking know you would you sick cunts.
Beddington Farmlands and Sutton, 20th January 2018
12 hours ago