Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Well, I've seen some things in my thyme

Did you see the back pages on Monday morning?  That's right a big, beaming picture of Van Persie "after scoring the glorious winner against Liverpool, the team that Manchester United have toppled as the most successful club in the country".  Fuck off.  I didn't even know the new horse-faced dutch man in town was on the pitch!  Man U were outplayed by a pretty poor Liverpool outfit.  It's the same every week:

Man U outplayed in first half.
Man U can't string two passes together.
Ref makes a shocking decision in Man U's favour.
Changes the game.
Man U still struggle.
Ref makes another decision in Man U's favour.
Man U score late on to win the game.
Tabloids print huge back page of whoever scored the winner.
Tabloids suck Man U off.
Man U fans believe the hype.
The unknowing public believe it.
Man U fans suck each other off.
Essex is awash with back-slapping coworkers.
Essex coworkers suck each other off.
Boss (who knows nothing about football) sees coworkers sucking each other off.
Boss reads tabloids.
Boss believes that Man U have the best team.
Boss forgives coworkers sucking each other off in office time.
Boss organises team building day out at Old Trafford.
Boss buys Man U fucking shirt.
Fulham have 3 sent off in first ten minutes of teambuilding exercise.
Ref awards 8 dodgy penalties.
Man U win in stoppage time against a poor Fulham side.
Tabloids issue pull out poster special of van Horse Face II who scored the spectacular winner from the spot against a magnificent Fulham side.
Essex believes the hype.
Essex coworkers indulge in some more back slapping and lure another coworker into the hype.
New Essex coworker buys poster special edition of van Horse II.
New Essex coworker buys Man U shirt.
Man U get richer on the back of shameless favouritism from a) the media b) the FA c) the referrees.
Mr M. Quigley recieves banning order and 12 months suspended for ripping a plastic Manc "fan"s leg off.

ad finitum



Same every week. 
Even you Mancs out there reading this must realise Sunday was just a typical day for Man U. 
You're shit.  But you still got 3 points. 
Mark (above) shows why this is.

Some people say I take things too far.  Some say I don't. 
Some say I went to saw a Fudge Duck the other day in Barton. 
I found a Fudge Duck once.  I was only 14 or summat.
East Park, Hull. 
Yorkshire listers owe me for that one. 


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