Sunday, 7 June 2009

Time Machines

Now this is profound. Or maybe just a load of shite, I can't decide.
Science Fiction (Hi-fi) has always had "time machines" prominent in some stories.  I lay here, before you, proof that there will never be a time machine in the future!

If in 10,000 years time they'd finally cracked it and made a time machine that can drop in and out of space/time then WE'D ALREADY KNOW ABOUT IT!!  Think about it, someone would have definitely visited our time or our known history by now.  Most people go to work to earn money apart from maybe Mr John Hippy who cares not about money but only longs for world peace and a greener planet.  So most people are 'driven' by monetary needs, rightly or wrongly, agreed?  Okay, where was I?
Oh yeah, so if someone who is money driven and business-like owns one of these time machines, it's not hard to make money from going back to the past with prior knowledge of the future.  Get it?

If it were me, then I'd probably go back in time with sports results and bet on them, ala the sport's almanac in Back to the Future or even go video the birth of Christ, (whoever he or she may be) bang it onto thousands of DVDs and have an army of Chinese people selling them on industrial estates.  But if I had've done that, then someone else would've seen the money made and also gone and filmed the birth of Christ (alongside me) but then sold the DVDs a year earlier leaving me with thousands of DVDs that everyone's already seen and thousands of Chinese workers wanting their wages!
Then another businessman would pre-date the next business man, then another would sell his DVDs before him and Bethlehem would, in the end, be overrun with photographers and camera men! No wonder there was no room at the Inn!  It would end up in people having to sell their DVDs so early in history that they'd have to go back in time to video the birth, then have to go back BEFORE the birth to be able to sell their DVDs!  I then reckon the Virgin Mary would get hold of a copy of her future birth and think "fuck that, I'm not having the son of god there in front of all those cameras" and fuck off to give birth on the outskirts of Nazereth at one of her mates houses and the stable in Bethlehem would be surrounded with 1000's of cameramen and the Virgin Mary doesn't even show up!  The three wise men are pissed of, they've come a long way for this, but the Inn keeper's never had it so good and puts a quiz night on with free chips at half time!

I digress.

There would be guided tours from the future to see 9/11 as it happened and millions of future Hull City fans would swamp Wembley to see Dean Windass score the winning volley that put us up into the Premiership with tickets selling for millions of pounds because of future inflation and apocalyptic oil wars devaluing the pound and rendering it that a million pounds is merely a day's wage in 9625AD.
The Do-do would've been saved due to future hippies going back and preserving and breeding specimens and generally the course of history would be already changed and the huge number of different time-lines would not simply be able to co-exist, therefore heralding the collapse of the space/time continuum.

So there you have it, direct argument as to why there will never be a "time machine".
(note to the omnipresent Webmaster in the sky:  please upgrade my web status tags from 'birding nerd' to 'basic philosophy'.  Please.)


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