It all started long, long ago in the darkened playground of Hessle C of E Infants School whilst playing football. Benny Sinclair, who wore a gumshield for football, was usually on the opposing side to me. It was usually, well always, his lot against my lot. The game (which revolved around breaks and dinners) ALWAYS ended up with his lot lining up along their goal line (perhaps 20 of them) and singing "We've got a wall...the wall saves the ball.....we've got a wall....the wall saves the ball..." to which my lot would hammer the 'ball' against their 'wall' usually to find that their 'wall' did indeed 'save the ball'. Defence at its best. Post match, Benny and I would discuss the game and talk tactics when one day I asked him what he did at the weekend.
"Me Dad took us to Spurn. It's a hundred miles away and it's 20 miles long and there's millions of different birds there" said Benny. Everything seemed bigger when you were a kid.
Fast forward a year or so after more discussions about the wondrous secret world of Spurn Point and there we were. Benny and I, plus Benny's Dad who was a nurse which I found a bit odd as only women were nurses in my mind. Lots of visits followed until the age of 15 when by that time we'd been joined by Adam and we were now travelling via the famous Connor and Graham bus services which dropped us at Spurn at 9:00 then picked back up around 16:00. Now this can be a long day at Spurn on the odd occasion there is nothing to see and/or it's pissing down with rain or worse, so the Crown and Anchor was often visited for a bumper lunch of a couple of pints and a truly excellent basket of chips served up by Big Gay Kev who may or may not have thought we were legal.
I mean Alcohol-wise you sick-minded fuckers.
Big Gay Kev certainly took a shine to Adam and greeted him with an "Hiya Tiger!" every time we walked in, which always made me bend over double at the bar and piss myself laughing whilst pointing at Adam out of sight from Big Gay Kev, much to Adam's annoyance.
Let's face it, fuck the spectacle of thousands of wintering waders being spooked by a Peregrine against the backdrop of a dramatic estuary, or the excitement of rarities being found in the point dunes, chips in a basket and underage drinking served by Big Gay Kev who fancied Adam is literally all you need.
Chips in a basket, only these have scampi with them too.
We never used to get scampi with ours.
We just didn't order it.
Although I bet you could've got it if you wanted.
It was probably on the menu.
They used to use little pieces of Monkfish as scampi.
But before it got trendy as a food fish.
It was really cheap back then.
They even used to use Monkfish as lobster bait.
Now look at it.
I like Monkfish.
Nice meaty fish but not got loads of flavour.
You can add big flavours to it as it won't overpower the the Monkfish.
Which is good.
Got carried away there.