Mouse Facts

 Following on from our “popular” series of fun facts, the team here at Q@Spurn present “mouse facts”. Fun facts about mouses. Mice.  

1 The heaviest mouse ever recorded weighed a very disappointing eighteen grams.  I could have made up  anything! Like six stone… A very disappointing figure for childish, made-up fun facts certainly. 

2 Mice have no concept of the Periodic Table. I saw one yesterday and wanted to ask it the chemical symbol for Gold. But it just shot off under the kitchen cupboards and left several deposits on the floor. 

3. The most famous mouse is Mickey Mouse. Although Mickey isn’t a real mouse, oh no sir. He’s actually a cartoon thing.  He’s maybe the most famous animated mouse. Jerry, out of Tom ‘n’ Jerry is probably second.  Danger Mouse has contacted us for clarification. Via solicitors. 

4. Jerry, co star of Tom ‘n’ Jerry, could eat a full gammon, like a sort of leg with a bone sticking out of it in one bite leaving him holding just the bone devoid of meat.  He did this every time he managed to get to the fridge.

5. The fridge in Tom ‘n’ Jerry was always rammed full of food and drink. Now the strange thing is, is that nothing had been touched?! There was always a FULL, untouched Chocolate Cake, cherries on top and everything. Full Gammons, untouched.  The big black mamma who shouts “THOMAAAAAS” likes a full fridge. Wrinkly tights though, or socks, or whatever she had on. 

6. She was a big lass though. Surely a bit stereotyped? Wouldn’t get away with it now. 

7. Nora Batty was a right slag. There. I said it*.  She wouldn’t let Compo shag her though, thinking about it. Maybe a bit of a slag then. 

8 * Why has everyone started using my catchphrase “There. I said it”? Even Johnny Vaughan now uses it regularly on his Radio X teatime show. Only recently as well. I don’t know if I’m pleased or angered. There, I said it. 

9 The heaviest mouse ever recorded weighed in at a whopping 18 tons. That’s fucking more like it. 

10  Mice only come into houses for shelter, warmth, potential food, and drink. They don’t see a house as someone’s house but just a part of its environment. To the mouse it’s exactly the same as a ditch or a small copse, but it offers different things that it needs as part of its survival. (That got deep)

11 They say that if you see one mouse there’s ten of them. My eyesight is bad but I’d notice if there were ten of them and not just one. These so-called experts are signing blank cheques if you ask me. 

12 “Four and twenty Blackbirds baked in a pie” sang mental  people a while ago. We’ve calculated, based on a mouse being about a quarter of the size of a Blackbird, that it might take around ninety to a hundred mices to fill the same pie. 

13  Pies used to be half savoury/half sweet. Like main course and dessert. Fucking did. With a big crust for miners to hold whilst eating it. Oh, that was Cornish Pasties actually. Forget that mouse fact. 

14) 80s sexual snooker player, Tony Knowles certainly liked a good pie…..FINGER PIE!!!!!!!! YYYYEEEESSSSS!!! Ha ha ha ha ha. “Hilarious”.

15) The fastest Mexican mouse ever was obviously Speedy Gonzalez. I refuse to do any carpet-based joke though, which is unlike me. I mean my team. 

16) Mouses are allergic to seafood. 

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