Swimming Pool Rules

I’ve just taken the children swimming. The hardest and by far the most strenuous part, without doubt, is putting your socks on afterwards. You know the part where you’re still a bit damp and the floor is soaking? You nearly rip the heel off every sock you’ve ever taken to swimming.
What I did notice whilst the girls were in the deep end unsupervised was that the“pool rules” have changed somewhat over the years since my days as a child swimming.

Swimming Pool Rules 2019

• No Bombing
• No Running
• Respect all others feelings
• Share
• Prayers on the hour every hour.
• No Diving under 1.5m
• No Smoking
• No Vaping
• All genders, races and sexual orientations are equal here and all activities that are traditional to any gender, race or sexual orientation must be observed and adhered to. Any person or persons, or any person that identifies as a non-person must observe such traditions, any person who doesn’t or cannot will be asked to leave but offered a free admission as recompense as we cannot be seen to discriminate even with persons whose views are seen as non conformist.
• No Drinking

Swimming Pool Rules 1979

• No Bombing
• No Running
• Use Ashtrays
• No Glass
• No Dunking
• No Blacks
• Long Life Lager available 
• No Prawn cocktails in the pool
• Please leave the pool when your band colour flashes on the display and makes a disproportionate wailing noise.
• No Male Nudity
• No Shaving
• No shaven clams, good, honest minges only
• No Heavy Petting

Times change...





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