Dear Q@Spurn
How come you can buy vegetarian “meat”? Like Quorn and that? Vegetarians are actually vegetarians because they don’t like meat. So why would they buy vegetarian meat? They don’t like real meat never mind really rubbish fake meat that doesn’t have any meat in it.
Honestly….
Jennifer Spondoolics
Canterbury
Dear Q@Spurn
Mrs Spondoolics (above letter) has a point. The fake meat is obviously made from vegetable-based shit, so why not just put vegetable-based shit in your nut roast instead of trying to make it taste and feel like something you don’t like? Like dead pigs and stuff?
Air Chief Marshall Sir Roger Willington
Carlisle
Dear Q@Spurn
Us vegetarians get unfairly stereotyped amongst the proletariat, with the general idea that we only eat nut roast and we all have blue hair. Only the other day I cooked a nut roast made out of mushrooms and carrots and that so it was totally different from your average nut roast. I have got blue hair though to be fair.
Yours,
They/Them Tarquin de Pop (Mrs)
Stonehenge
Dear Q@Spurn
Them de Pop (above) doesnt know what she/he/they/them is/are talking about. A nut roast with mushrooms is a MUSHROOM Nut Roast and delicious they are too every single day.
There’s nothing else to eat.
Fred Boobs
Acton
Dear Q@Spurn
So vegetarians don’t like meat but they buy the closest thing they can to meat even though they don’t like it? It’s like lesbians, thinking about it. They don’t like cocks, but they buy fake cocks and the ugly one straps it on etc. It’s very similar isn’t it? If you don’t like cocks, why feel the need to get fake cocks involved in your shenanigans?
JJ Faul
Kenya
Dear Q@Spurn
And cocks are known as “meat” in some scenarios, usually in the letters page in Razzle or other such rhythm pamphlets. It seems to me that people who don’t like “meat”, whether literally or metaphorically, find the nearest thing they can to the thing they don’t actually like?! The mind boggles.
Sophie
Hull
Dear Q@Spurn
Lesbians have blue hair as well. Quite often anyway.
There’s some sort of pattern emerging here.
Sonia Cock
Bradford
Dear Q@Spurn
The manufacturers of fake meat products try their fucking hardest to make vegetable sludge actually taste like meat. I find this odd and I go out snurging so coming from me it must be odd.
Phillip Samples
Durham
Dear Q@Spurn
In regards to Mr Fauls letter above, it is pretty coincidental that both vegetarians and lesbians don’t like “meat” but they then choose to CHEW ON (hilarious!) fake “meat”. If you’re against cocks, don’t go and buy a cock, and if you’re against meat, don’t go buy the closest thing to meat that you can.
That was sort of a recap.
Cheers
Fred Astaire
Great Hatfield
Dear Q@Spurn
Now that the tone has been lowered as usual, do vegetarian straight women swallow their partners pineapple chunk? Surely they don’t swallow as it would be against everything they stand for?
The mind boggles
Shirley Templer
Cornwall
Dear Q@Spurn
I wouldn’t even try to finger a vegetarian or a lesbian as they’re clearly not up for it.
Cheers
Andy Bell
Peace In Our Hearts.
Dear Q@Spurn
What about vegan dominatrix? What do they do? They can’t wear leather can they like? The world has gone mad
Vince Clark
Peace in Our Hearts
Dear Q@Spurn
Only last year I suddenly realised just how many washing-up liquids are named after supernatural beings. Like Fairy Liquid and so forth. It’s amazing.
Ken De Mange
Hull
Dear Q@Spurn
I fail to recognise the link with washing-up liquids and supernatural beings that Mr De Mange has pointed out as I can only think of one. Unless “Asda Lemon” is a forest-dwelling sprite that I’ve not heard of.
Before.
Wayne Jacobs
Left Back
Dear Q@Spurn
Do washing powders count in the latest contrived “discussion” amongst former 1980s Hull Ciry footballers? If they do, what about Persil? Is that a mythical creature of amy kind?
Yours so certainly
Mr R. Jobson.
Cottingham
Dear Q@Spurn
Why oh why hasn’t someone made a detergent of any kind called “Willo the Wisp” as it would certainly add weight to Mr De Mange’s outlook that all detergents are named after woodland spiritual creatures?
Regards
David Mail
Stoke
Dear Q@Spurn
Are lesbians offended by the washing-up liquid known as Fairy? If they are it’s just another thing that offends them and if they’re not they’ve probably just not noticed it.
Yet.
Mrs K Chihuahua
Stockport
Dear Q@Spurn
Why not just post this without proof-reading it or waiting until you’re sober just to give an insight into your psyche for the people that make sure you’re okay to monitor?
Yours etc
Tony Knowles
Bolton
….
