Following on from our “popular” (only my mother likes them) Fun Facts series, today we look at fun facts about Crisps (the snack in a wrapper) and Craig David (the person who’s a rapper) although we may not be able to shoehorn joint facts about both subjects although I’m sure we’ll research some (make some up).
1. Everyone’s favourite crisps are Beef Monster Munch. Apart from people who prefer Walkers C&O (Cheese and Onion). Oh, and Frazzles. And maybe Kettle Mature Cheddar. Actually, we’re not sure what everyone’s favourite crisps are. What we do know is Craig David’s favourite crisps are spicy Space Raiders. He goes mental for them. Every night he’s on them. His lodger, David Dickinson, has to pick the empty packets up. And he prefers the beef ones. Just to cap it all!
2. Nik Naks once did a Scampi and Lemon flavour but discontinued them as innocent men we’re getting divorced when coming home from public houses around the country.
3. People who work in crisp factories are known as “crispers”, which isn’t particularly inventive.
4. Craig David once worked as a crisper. He was on the fryers but didn’t give a fuck about the quality of the produce. But then in the canteen he saw Beryl who was a beautiful honey with a beautiful body but didn’t wear a watch. This was Monday. They went on the piss on Tuesday as they both had a day off, then he shagged her on Wednesday, Beryl’s not shy, he shagged her on Thursday, he shagged her on Friday, he shagged her on Saturday but he ran out of recreational drugs so they chilled on Sunday plus they were both at Seabrooks at six on Monday.
4. Craig David wanted his stage name to be Craig Onion so his initials were C&O. Like Cheese and Onion. Sid Vicious also went down this route as he was also a crisper and loved S&V.
5. Jacob Rees-Mogg’s stage name was also picked through his favourite Jasmine Rise Massalla Quavers although these have been discontinued.
6. Crisps are made of fucking potatoes.
7. Crisps were invented by Quentin Crisp accidentally! He accidentally sliced potatoes wafer thin then they dropped into a pan of hot oil until cooked, They then dropped into. Starch, Salt, Acids (Citric Acid, Malic Acid), Yeast Extract, Potassium Chloride, Antioxidant (Rosemary Extract)] accidentally. Yesterday.
7. Prawn Cocktail crisps taste NOTHING LIKE Prawn Cocktails. It is simply a rouse.
8. Craig David was going to be called David Craig until they realised there was already a celebrity called Daniel Craig, which is a different name but sort of the same.Sort of. His PR team already refused Craig Onion, now David Craig. He just couldn’t win and, secretly, hates the name Craig David.
9. The 80s pop duo Salt n Pepper we’re going to be called Salt and Vinegar but they couldn’t agree which one would be vinegar. They both argued that they’d have to introduce themselves as “Vinegar”.
“Hi, what’s your name?”
“Vinegar”.
Mrs Salt is now married to Tony Knowles the snookerist.
Knowles and Pepper now.
10. Craig David’s lodger David Dickinson sells his ornaments online much to Craig’s disdain. We are not sure what Craig expected allowing David Dickinson to lodge there. Craig buys more, then David sells them.
11. David Dickinsons favourite crisps are Tomato Snaps. This is how Craig David’s “fill me in” originated apparently. That’s it. That’s the fact. I can’t elaborate on this fact.
