Round Up IV a Bit Like Rocky IV but with no Boxing

Around four years ago the information services stated “Black-Winged Pratincole, Durham, 0800 still present showing well”. Off I set. An hour in, checked further information services, no further updates, no bother, carry on. Got to the site only to be told “no sign, it flew south around 815”.
I checked information services to see a message only just posted (11am at this point!) “flew south and no further sign”.
“So I’ve just driven for 2-and-three-quarter-hours and it flew off just as I was setting off and no one reported this small fact?” I shouted to no one in particular. I wasn’t happy. There was a guy walking his dog so I kicked his dog in the leg just to raise a response then CHINNED the bloke as soon as he had the gall to react. So I drove the 2-and-three-quarter-hours back home again.

Fast forward almost a year to the day and the information services stated “Black-Winged Pratincole, Durham, 0800 still present showing well”. Off I set. An hour in, checked further...You get the picture. .Got to the site only to be told “no sign, it flew south around 815”. “NOT AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIN!” I screamed in a sort of action/revenge movie stylee as I sunk to my knees with arms aloft looking to the heavens. I held this note and posture for at least three minutes for effect. Eight dogs were kicked, in the leg, and eight owners were CHINNED including a sweet granny, an eleven year old who can only be described as a boy, and a Dachshund.  Schweinhunds. Schweinhunds means PIG DOGS in German. Which is good.  It happened twice. Fucking twice. On a Sunday as well. Wankers.

June 2019. Black Winged Pratincole, Frampton Marsh, Lincs, showing well. Right then. Merc juiced, bins, scope, check. Off. Arrived. Parked. Walked. Pratincole immediately. Recompense. Durham bastards. Good site. Random words. Roman coin. Card tricks. Deceit. Deceit.
Eyes.

Jimmy the fucking Jew, part of the Sheffield mafia mob, will understand that last bit. The fucking Jew fuck.
So, yes, a Black Winged Pratincole at the site of my first Oriental Pratincole no less, this site now being host to all three species of Pratincole on the British List, a new world record or summat.

Liverpool Man U later today. Probably the biggest game in the world maybe only rivalled by Barca/Real or Hull City/Huddersfield. I hate Man U. Their fans are deluded and taken in by the overtly biased media towards their side. One “fan”, a lad from Hull who has seen almost every game on TV, said to me when we were on the piss “name me a better defender than Maguire or Wan-bassaka, and Martial and Rashford are simply world class”.
“You’re deluded” said your faithful author as I simply walked off to the bar to purchase drinks and look down the bartenders top.  His beard put me off a bit though.
That was a good joke.
I hate L***s as well. Their twitter goes mad if they win. It goes mad if they lose. They’re deluded as well but don’t get me started.

There, a nice balanced football based rant to finish.

Sort of.
Do you know how big this universe thing is? Well, it’s big. Like, big. Nearest star, apart from our own, Alpha Centauri would take how long to reach?  Well, I’ll tell you. At a velocity of 56000km/h (at which speed you’d orbit the Earth nearly twice every hour!) it would take 81,000 years. 81 thousand years. Think about that. Our Lord, Jesus Christ was around two thousand years ago. 81000 years.
Nearest galaxy, Andromeda at same velocity? 94 billion years.
94 billion years.
Ninety. Four. Billion. Winestain. Years.
And that’s the nearest.
Big?
I told you it was big.
And please realise just how much bigger a billion is than, say, a million. A million seconds is about 11days. A billion seconds is around 32 years. That’s how mush bigger a billion is.
Don’t go thinking you never learn anything here at Q@Spurn and it’s all just cock jokes interspersed with the odd bird sighting, oh no. You’re just ungrateful.
And pedants, I realise it’s also known as Alpha Proxima.
And I also know there are minor galaxies betwixt here and Andromeda.
And Hitachi isn’t actually a brand. It means “Land of the Giant television” in Japanese.
Maybe.


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