Howay pet.

Sat Nav? I've got something called Ovi Maps. On my phone. It's a built-in sat nav basically. I've never used it. But yesterday I did. But I shouldn't have bothered. These sentences are very short. I don't know why. They make me sound a bit of a stupid twat. And, let me tell you, using sat nav made me look the stupidest twat imaginable. Hartlepool Headland? Yeah, I've got a rough idea how to get there, M62, Market Weighton, go towards York, skirt York to the west for A1 action or east for A19 action. But hey, I'll put the sat nav on, might as well. It's there, may as well use it. Towards York the sweet voice of the hot chick from sat nav world told me to 'at the roundabout take the 3rd exit'. Third exit? Nah, she's trying to take me A19 I'm gonna go A1 today. First exit instead. The chick from sat nav land then turned into Cheryl Cole and pipes up 'recalculating route pet'. Now I really really would, as all men would, I'd wear her like a hat and everything, but the routes she was trying to take me were quite mental.

Long boring story short, I tried to reroute her, then didn't believe her, then believed her so followed her, then realised that she didn't have a function that said 'turn around when possible' which was the crux of the problem. Three hours and twenty minutes later and I arrived at the headland and looked at the Western Orphean Warbler then turned Chezza off on the way back and did the return in two hours dead. Fucking sat nav. Well, a bit of me too. In short our Chezza really needs rooting but as for routeing she's a bit shit pet. I would wear her like a fucking hat pet.

Today's initial plan was to see Spurn's Roller then go up north for Orphean action. The rarity value got to me and I did Britain's 6th and the first twitchable one since 81 first, alas, the Roller wasn't seen after midday. Alas indeed. Rarities are all well and good but rarities on your favoured birding area are different.

And that.

But anyway, after last year's White Throated Robin and now the (now dead) Orphean, Hartlepool Headland has become THE Spring destination for birders. Indeed the local B&Bs are already inundated with bookings for next year. The locals have hit a goldmine and have advertised rooms at hugely inflated prices almost as if the World Cup was coming to town. Online, rooms are being advertised at a staggering £18 including breakfast and the price of a pint in the bowling club is set to rocket to £1.60 for stout and a staggering £1.35 for a parnt o' marld. When I asked the club owner what he was going to spend his annual windfall on he said "probably another cracking rarity from the Portland car park pet. Summat like a Moussier's Redstart. We'll 'trap' that fucker and milk arl you dry again like. Howay an shite an a canny bag o tudor"

Thanks to Peter Beardsley there for the interview.





....................

Buzzards set back Lightyears

Fellow blog persons have already spoke about the crazy DEFRA driven Buzzard persecution at some depth and have little to add to what has already been said. Although the irony that has been missed is that Buzzard numbers are to be controlled (thus reduced) to allow more Pheasants to be available to be shot. Dead.

Get it? Reduce Buzzard numbers so more of the species they are 'protecting' can be killed!

Killed. With a big, fuck off gun.

Hmmm. It's the craziest thing I've seen since Richard Fairbrass released Deeply Dippy. And that was crazy.

Saw a Pallid Harrier last week. After 3 visits to Patrington I finally managed to get a view of it for a massive 5 seconds. Elusive? You can bet your entire ballsack it was elusive. I did not see a Creamy Colourationed Courser though as some evil bastard, who will remain nameless, left without me and successfully scored with it. I did actually text him that I hoped the fucker gets eaten by a cat just before he got there. But it didn't.
Sadly.





................

another guest entry from Lee, Bucks.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, my subjects to another grammatically prefect blog post from yours truly, LGME. As leader of British birding and anti coalition government (BOU/BBRC) campaigner, UKIP400 is proud to bring you the news that the Flamboro Flycatcher is a nominate race Eurasian Common Nominate Pied Flycatcher (baroli) as I always have to add random words to the standard name to make me sound that bit more important. I saw this bird and knew immediately that this was a clear Eurasian Common Pied Flycatcher and my, sorry, UKIP400 advisory board's splitting of Iberian Pied Flycatcher the same day was merely coincidental and was not aimed at giving me some insurance of a tick when DNA results were known.

I now come to my second incredibly balanced point on taxonomy. It is with great surprise that UKIP400 are to LUMP two species into one, something that I, sorry, UKIP400's advisory board have never done in it's gracious 30 year history. The species LGRE and a very similar species are to be lumped together to form one, the LGME (Lee George Michael Evans) as the advisory board feel they are inseparable in the field. Features such as perma-stubble around the moustachial stripe reaching the ear coverts, gold cross below the left ear coverts, crest swept back, denim hot pants around the vent are all typical of both taxa. Indeed the only feature that separates the two in the field is that the eyes are strangely too close together in the former.

I am thinking of issuing law suits to various websites and individuals that take the mickey out of me and my party. Especially this one. In fact I will not be writing anymore guest entries for Q. That will show him. May I add that the Flamborough Eurasian Common Pied Male Flycatcher (baroli) has been at Flamborough since November as there was one at Filey around that time and has clearly relocated.

I'm off to sing Father Figure to passers-by in Soho.

Thankyou for your continued support.


LGME.


Thanks to Lee from Beds or Bucks whichever it is. Nominate Eurasian Common Pied Fly? Really who'd have guessed it? I give up. It's all just to hard. There.




...............

Charles Atlas

Hello and good evening to all.  Liverpool have just been beat in the Cap Finoow and, therefore have failed to extend their lead over Man U in the overall trophy standings as most successful English team ever.  The Mancs only count titles at the minute as that's the only stat they're in front at.

Enough of them bastards.  Actually, no, tweet of the fucking decade (aka ever) was Rio fucking Ferdinand saying that Man City fans are "glory hunters".  Ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 
etc.

I was at a fancy dress party last night.  The theme was 'detectives'.
I went as Bodie, obviously, but noticed my black mate naked in the corner with a piece of wood stuck up his arse.  "What the fuck have you come as?"





"Magnum".


Is that racialist?  Not sure really but if it is then sobeit.  alloneword.

I did laugh though and I'm no racialist.  Nyaaa!

Atlas Fly?  I've seen the Flamboro bird.  What a cracker.  I'll reiterate that, WHAT A CRACKING BIRD.  This, for me, is like no other Pied or Collared I've ever seen.  It's jizz, the way it acts, the brightness of the white in the plumage.........erm.....this is something I've never seen before.  It's a stunner.  In my opinion (and with DNA evidence on the way) I'm sticking my neck out ( but then retracting it - see later) that this bird is a pure Iberian race Pied.  If....should I say IF 2nd calender year birds follow the general rule for adult males then my vote right now is fully in the Iberian camp.  Literature is such that 2cy birds are not fully covered.  Sort of.  My opinion right now is that the range of features fit Iberian nore than Atlas but I accept that in one years time in this birds life, the forehead patch, the patch at the base of the primaries etc could turn out to be typical Atlas.  Right now it fits Iberian but it is within Atlas's scope.  I'm gonna say it.......with the obvious chance of ridicule.......this isn't a hybrid.  |Repeat, this isn't a hybrid.  I'm no expert, I'll leave it at that.

No I won't, what a great bird.  This is different.  Go see the bastard.

I still haven't managed to get a post on Birdforum through (i.e. un-editted by the facist admin)  that contained the word minges.  And it's not for the want of trying.  I first attempted to have the word minges recognised officially on Birdforum after the Western Sand twitch with the Secret Twitcher during which he killed four Badgers, a Horse, seven voles and Meryl Streep then ate fourteen tins of Corned Beef for pack up.  He never offered me any.  I will get minges through and officially uneditted on Birdforum.  Believe me.  Having failed 813 times it is now an obsession.  Look out for it.

It will be on the Atlas Fly thread somewhere,  Shall I do it once and for all?  It is my ambition to have the word minges NOT deleted/editted on Birdforum.  Game on mo fo's.

A Hat.

.........................................

Come on Spring, Give me Something to Post About Instead of the Following Bollocks

Hey, Thayer's Gull might taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never know cos I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.

What in god's name has gone on?  I've read last nights efforts and it seems that some fucker has highlighted certain words as advertising links!  How do they do that?  Not sure what's going on.  Are they allowed to do that?  Anyway if you think I've sold out and 'monetised' the site then I haven't.  Although do feel free to visit any of the sponsored links that appear on here, particularly B&M stores who really do offer great value for money on all your household needs right across their 2,000 stores nationwide.  But really, who the fuck has done that to my elegantly written post?  That's art that.

After my post on directions re the Thayer's Gull, things changed quite quickly and the "white tanker" field had suddenly become viewable from a (maybe not so) public track.  Farmer Palmer did actually come up thar in that thar tracurr and never shouted get arf ma land so perhaps it was public after all?  Obtained much better views than the previous seventeen visits so it was as brilliant as it gets.  Or maybe it was just a deep shitty brown thing that was in a shitty field, walking in shit and eating...........shit.  Thayer's Gulls sleep and eat in shit.  That's a filthy animal.
And now all you bird fanciers, have a look at my anti bird shit deterrent.  Maybe that's a double negative.  A bird shit anti-deterrent would attract bird shit wouldn't it?  Oh I don't know.
Anyway, here's my new device to stop filthy pigeons SHITTING on your car.  It will also work for filthy bastard Thayer's Gulls with their filthy shitty habits.

Hilarious Q.  Yawn.

In the news this week was Simon Cowell's admission of an affair with Danni Minogue.  I loved his comments.  When asked what attracted him to her he said "It was the sexy clothes and tits" hahaha how crass can you be about Kylie's baby sister?  It's sounds like something I'd say on here.  He might as well of said "Well, you know, it was her terrific sexy clothes and hairy arsehole that did it for me."

I've got some great Man U updates for you but that will have to wait for another day cos yesterday I got the craziest of all house ticks.  Peregrine!  Over Hessle!  My first over Hessle ever yet they used to be seen now and again on the Humber Bridge.  It was high and being harassed by a couple of gulls from the Herring taxa.  I looked up to look at the expected Sparrowhawk circling but the wing shape, you know that Peregrine wing shape?  Well it had that wing shape.  Earlier in the day 3 Canadian Gooses goosed past the house going west.  Cool and the gang.

'What' ain't no country I ever heard of.

................

Can't really think of a title.

Hello.
This is the god's honest truth.  I've been trying to post for the last few days but I've been that bladdered that I haven't quite managed it.  I started a post on Monday night, blogger auromatically saved it before I gave it up as a bad job.  Reading between the lines it looks like I was about to go on a Man U rant but got frustrated and just starting typing whatever I was thinking at the time.  I know I talk some shite but this is honestly what I'd wrote that night,  It was a Monday after all:

shit maN DO I#VE JUST HIT THE CAPS LOCK BY ACCIDENT.  There.  Sorted.  I am, of paralethic.  Is there really qa h in paraletic?  I think there is.  so, shit man do.  I went for thirds of the Thayer's Gull on Wednesday or Thursdqay I caqn't  really remember pet.  It was a bequtiful beautiful dark brown shitty brown ball of juvenile brown shit that I've ever seen in my life.  As for MAN U, they're just cunts and oh fuck off you set oif nancs bastards,  have you hewqard of a playr called tosicw who apparently playeed for them cunts oh fuck off i;m about as fuc4de as fucked xcqan be i cant even type ill lreavre it as thas.


Hell's teeth!  I should probably address my drink problem but first..................



.......the last few posts have been done off mobile which meant no opportunity to place the usaul random images that afflict this blog.  Well, fuck you all cos I'm on the mother in laws laptop whilst she's a broad (sic) so I can now BOMBARD you fuckers with utter randomness such as this:

Pigs in Blankets are nice aren't they?  It looks like they've garnished them with old skool curly leaf parsley.  Why would you do that?

As I was trying to tell you all in my somewhat garbled drunken post that was auto saved fron drunken Monday, I went to see the Thayer's Gull yet again.  I've seen it 43 times now including 8 visits in the same day.  I only go this often because the bridge tolls have halved to £1.50 each way.  Think of the money I'm saving.  I started looking into the taxonomy of this species but, to be fair I've had enough of typing this late on a Saturday night and my chicken phal has just arrived.

You slags.

Impromptu all nighter last last lead to a Leo Sayer today which ultimately leads to chicken phal action from some local Indian chefs who cook whatever I want.  They even drop it off for me in exchange for money. 

I've got loads to talk about from Rio Ferdinand being a twat to Danni Minogues flaps but I can't be bothered.  Sorry.  I will do it tommorrow.

Can I have fifty pounds to mend the shed?





.......................

Info on viewing the Thayer's Gull

For anyone going to have a look for the Thayer's Gull in yellow-belly country, here's my thoughts on viewing based on my time there yesterday. The original site is along the minor road from the 'roundabout junction' of the A15/M180 to the village of Elsham. There's a small electric building/station/can'treallythinkoftherightword halfway along which is opposite the ploughed field where the bird had been found. The viewing from here is pretty limited as the gulls settle just over the brow. In my opinion this is where the bird feeds for most of the day it's just that you'll realistically only get brief flight views from here unless you're very lucky. From here, the bird goes to bathe and generally chill out with his home boys on an area within Elsham Hall itself. Follow the road from the original site through the village until you reach a T junction. Go left. Left I said. Then go left into Elsham Hall and park ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE leaving your car or moped strewn across the road or even leave it rammed into a farmers gate like I did. The chill out area can be viewed from here, in fact set your scope up on the roof of your car (or moped) and view from atop your vehicle. Atop? Good word. The bird came into this area 2 or 3 times yesterday spending 20 minutes or so at a time. This is, realistically the best place to get it on the deck but will require some patience.

In summary, you have two options, 1 stake out the original site and get lucky (also, if it's found at the chill out zone you should still have time to connect from here) or 2 stake out the chill out zone and wait and if it does show, it shows well.

There. Just my opinions. And not one swear word. If this helps just one person, I will have a warm glow for the whole Easter period, safe in the knowledge that I have helped a fellow human in my quest for a beautiful world.

Edit: the bird is missing a primary on the right plus two central tail feathers which allows you to get onto suspects even at height.




..................