Howay pet.

Sat Nav? I've got something called Ovi Maps. On my phone. It's a built-in sat nav basically. I've never used it. But yesterday I did. But I shouldn't have bothered. These sentences are very short. I don't know why. They make me sound a bit of a stupid twat. And, let me tell you, using sat nav made me look the stupidest twat imaginable. Hartlepool Headland? Yeah, I've got a rough idea how to get there, M62, Market Weighton, go towards York, skirt York to the west for A1 action or east for A19 action. But hey, I'll put the sat nav on, might as well. It's there, may as well use it. Towards York the sweet voice of the hot chick from sat nav world told me to 'at the roundabout take the 3rd exit'. Third exit? Nah, she's trying to take me A19 I'm gonna go A1 today. First exit instead. The chick from sat nav land then turned into Cheryl Cole and pipes up 'recalculating route pet'. Now I really really would, as all men would, I'd wear her like a hat and everything, but the routes she was trying to take me were quite mental.

Long boring story short, I tried to reroute her, then didn't believe her, then believed her so followed her, then realised that she didn't have a function that said 'turn around when possible' which was the crux of the problem. Three hours and twenty minutes later and I arrived at the headland and looked at the Western Orphean Warbler then turned Chezza off on the way back and did the return in two hours dead. Fucking sat nav. Well, a bit of me too. In short our Chezza really needs rooting but as for routeing she's a bit shit pet. I would wear her like a fucking hat pet.

Today's initial plan was to see Spurn's Roller then go up north for Orphean action. The rarity value got to me and I did Britain's 6th and the first twitchable one since 81 first, alas, the Roller wasn't seen after midday. Alas indeed. Rarities are all well and good but rarities on your favoured birding area are different.

And that.

But anyway, after last year's White Throated Robin and now the (now dead) Orphean, Hartlepool Headland has become THE Spring destination for birders. Indeed the local B&Bs are already inundated with bookings for next year. The locals have hit a goldmine and have advertised rooms at hugely inflated prices almost as if the World Cup was coming to town. Online, rooms are being advertised at a staggering £18 including breakfast and the price of a pint in the bowling club is set to rocket to £1.60 for stout and a staggering £1.35 for a parnt o' marld. When I asked the club owner what he was going to spend his annual windfall on he said "probably another cracking rarity from the Portland car park pet. Summat like a Moussier's Redstart. We'll 'trap' that fucker and milk arl you dry again like. Howay an shite an a canny bag o tudor"

Thanks to Peter Beardsley there for the interview.





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