Theory of Relativity Part I

 I’ve been talking to eldest and we were talking about space, perpetual motion, light speed, gravity and that.

I tried to explain it in terms of everyday life and all that malarkey.  So here, my loyal reader, is what my science team here at Q@Spurn offered. 

To get into the scale of this firstly let’s think about the Sun. The sun is our heat - remember that. I won’t remind you again. Around 90 million miles away. It’s light, that we see, takes around 8-9 minutes to reach us. So we are seeing where the sun is Eight minutes ago, ie where you see the sun right now isn’t where it is right now. It’s a bit to the right actually RIGHT NOW. In our time. Think about that.

So, we’re seeing the sun where it actually was 8 minutes ago. Now, that light from the sun has taken 8 minutes to get here so how is it that when a cloud that’s a mere 1km away blocks the light but also at the same time the temperature drops?! If we’re seeing the sun 8 minutes previous surely the temperature would drop in 8 minutes?! Well, this is a bit of trick question from Q@Spurns science team and it’s simply the the convection, heat, travels at the speed of light also. so to us it’s in real time, all things happen in our eyes instantly although in this case 8 minutes behind in a grander scale. 

Bit boring this post isn’t it? Yer cock pongs. 

That's much better. 

Now picture  yourself and your mate John sat a few metres apart. John bounces a tennis ball, one bounce, to you which you catch. Fine. To you and John it bounces, continues its path in a direct line to you. Real time. The Earth is spinning, let’s call it 1000 mph around the equator so you and your good mate John are travelling at 1000 mph (not allowing for longitude and latitude for the pedants out there) so why, when John releases the ball, doesn’t the ball shoot through your french doors and the local school at 1000mph. It’s not travelling? We are stuck to the earth through gravity and your french doors are stuck to the earth but now the ball is free and everything is moving at 1000mph?! Of course, simply the ball also takes on that same speed as John has released it whilst travelling at 1000mph so it (by the same forces) is travelling at 1000mph also.

When John throws the ball the light takes that absolute minuscule amount of time to get to your smashing eyeball. So, even YOU are seeing the ball 0.00000000000001 seconds ago. Remember this. I won’t repeat this information. 

You and John are now on a train. I know, the imagery is WILD on Q@Spurn. The train is travelling 70mph. But you’re both travelling at 1000mph due to the spin of the earth. To picture this let’s just say you’re travelling LEFT at 1000mpg and the train (and you) (and John) (oh, and the ball) are travelling RIGHT at 70mph. John throws you the ball with one bounce. You catch. Same deal. You see it in a direct line. Your only other mate, Su Pollard, is stood a fair distance away from the train tracks. Watching you and John throw fucking balls to each other! Now why would Su Pollard be stood watching you and your best mate John throw a ball to each other while you’re on a train? Well. It’s for science and that innit. 

So.

Su Pollard sees your best mate John release the ball yet you’re travelling at 70mph past her, Su Pollard is travelling 1000mph the same way as you and your best mate John. Su Pollard she’s John release the ball, then maybe 10 metres to the left, say, sees it bounce, then another 10 metres along sees you catch it. Su Pollards view of the balls flight is an elliptical release then bounce, then elliptical path into your hand but this is 20 metres wide. You and your best mate John see it as a direct line. 

Relativity is just how it is. The “theory” is just that we can explain it. All forces/speed/space/time/convection/etc are all in massive unison. But. Simply. It just the way it is. If it didn’t “work” the earth is spinning at 1000mph but the toddler across the road has just thrown its dummy, the dummy lost all speed so the earth caught up and the dummy SMASHED through your front window, gave your lass a massive centre parting as it skimmed the top of her swede, went straight through the fence and killed the gardener out the back. 

You’re in the park and you throw your dog in the air as a bit of fun but your tiny cute dog loses all velocity (speed duh) and the earth carries on spinning so the dog has to ABSOLUTELY LAUNCH itself at the neighbouring house and spread various parts of anatomy over a relatively large area for such a tiny cute dog. Mrs SteauaBucharest, who lives there, becomes fed up with tiny, bald dogs splattering their limbs and other parts all over their garden. And wall. So Mrs SteauaBucharest puts up a sign in the park saying “No throwing dogs” And she draws a tiny, bald, baby dog with all its parts missing underneath. 

The big ones go straight through the wall leaving a dog-shaped cartoon-style shape in the wall. 

Let’s go further. The nearest habitable planet hosts intelligent life. One of these life forms, let’s call him or her “Steve Davis”. For reference. Steve Davis is now looking from fucking miles away, like well far and that. The earth is now travelling around the sun at 67000mph! Woah. Spinning around the Sun at 67000mph! That’s how Steve Davis sees it.  You, your best mate John and Su Pollard are now travelling at 67000mph in Steve Davis’s eyes! Holy Shitsauce!   So you, John, and Su Pollard, and the ball, are ALSO travelling at 1000mph to the RIGHT around the Earth, but you and your best mate John are also travelling at 70mph LEFT on the train in Su Pollards eyes, but Steve Davis is also seeing you, your best mate John, and Su Pollard, travelling at 67000mph to the RIGHT. 

Bit mad. I hope you’re following this because I aren’t. 

Your best mate John releases the ball. You see it bounce, Su Pollard sees it bounce 10m later. Steve Davis sees your best mate John release the ball but he sees it bounce 3000 miles to the left. Then another 3000 miles when you caught it. These figures aren’t true by the way. It would take ages to work that out so the science team have just fucked it off and started drinking Rum and overly flirting with the office’s only woman. Let’s call her “Mrs Cock” for reference.

The flight of the ball from your eyes, Johns eyes, Su Pollards eyes, and Steve Davis’s eyes are vastly different. But you and John are just sat there. On a train. 

It all just works. It’s just that we can prove it. Which is remarkable. 

The ball has travelled the two metres between you and John, Su Pollard has seen it travel 20 metres, and Steve Davis has seen it travel 6000 miles. Same ball. 

Coming next time: Fun statistics from astro-physics magazine and a poor attempt at a joke about anything ranging from cocks to Belgium.