The team at Q@Spurn have written this for me, I mean, us, just to keep me, us, at least somewhat “entertained” even though I, I mean they, have started spelling Crispies with a “K” then resorted quite quickly to a “C” but I, they, can’t be bothered to go change them all. These are the things that trouble me. Them.
1. Rice Krispies are a breakfast cereal, usually served with fresh milk and granulated sugar.
2. But other serving suggestions are available including just in a bowl by themselves as per the front of the box. This is just to save money on the milk and sugar needed for every front of every Rice Krispies box.
3. It costs Rice Crispies manufacturers (British Gas) about 10p in milk for every box front.
4. Mad innit!?
5. When I typed the word “milk” the spellcheck changed it automatically to “milf”.
6. I may need to look at my self.
7. Now!!Because I typed the above sentence, Google has just opened a browser with links to “watching yourself”, “cameras”, and “wanking furiously”.
8. Rice Crispies are made from pure Crispies and they only got the word “Rice” involved because they looked like rice.
9. Google has now automatically opened a new page because I typed “wanking furiously” a few sentences, or fucking paragraphs, ago. Does that make sense? I’ll have to read it back.
10. Yeah I think it does.
11. With links to “Wanking furiously - A Bachelors Tail (very poor indeed) by Roald Dahl - buy now with Amazon Prime”, “Rice shaped cameras”, and “Tony the Tiger off Frosties and that”.
12. Tony the Tiger only represented Frosties. He never once saw fit to praise Rice Crispies.
13. Rice Crispies once asked Tony the Tiger to praise them on the front of their boxes and offer a secret toy which children of all ages would have to fish out of their cereal and milk with their hands, initially excited about finding a mystery toy in a small plastic bag in their breakfast bowl only to find it was a small, plastic, purple, sort of star thing, that had no interest or couldn’t be used for anything of a fun nature as the word toy denotes
14. Rice Crispies only have two friends.
15. Tony the Tiger, God rest his soul, was named after Tony Robinson who played Baldrick in Blackadder. He would say his catchphrase “you plonker” quite a bit.
16. I’ve just laughed at “quite a bit” which is wrong as it’s my own writing. Im in idiot.
17. My mate Jim used to eat Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Grahams quite a lot. That was less amusing to me. Let us think about the development/marketing team when they were revising these new cereals. What shall we call one of these new cereals made from bran and other things? Graham. Graham?! said the Chairman…. Fuck it, call every single one of them Graham. And everyone cheered!
18. Gary, who’s in accounts, was a bit upset but still liked the name of the new branding.
19. Golden Grahams?!?! Golden. GRAHAMS. Golden Grahams.Thats Golden, then Grahams. Golden….Grahams…. I need to take this in that Ive just accepted this name for all these years but never actually realised what they were trying to do to us.
20. Tony the Tigers catchphrase was “I’d rather eat one than be one!!!” when he was advertising Frosties. Advertising. But this backfired as everyone realised that they too, obviously, would rather eat one than be something that they eat. I wish I was that steak, or should I just eat it?
21. Tony then fell on hard times and approached Rice Crispies for future work but they’d already marketed three boys called Snap, Crackle and Pop to be on their front cover..Tony suggested “Snap, Crackle, Tony and Pop” but it fell on deaf ears. Tony can be seen in the background in the shadows of some of the early Rice Crispies front covers trying to get in on the shot. Originals are worth a few quid nowadays.
No comments:
Post a Comment