A Day in the Life

I read rare bird news today oh boy

About a lucky man who found a Shrike

And though the news it said Woodchat

Well I just had to laugh

I saw the photograph

He put his shutter speed too low

He didn't notice that the light had changed

A crowd of people stood and stared

They'd seen this Shrike before

Nobody was really sure if this was a Woodchat at all!

I saw the film today oh boy

It showed the Shrike looking like a Masked,

A crowd of people turned up anyway 

And I just had to look

And consulted a book

I'd love to seeeeeeee thaaaaaaat Shriiiiiiiiike....

Jumped up, got out of bed

Dragged a sponge? across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup

And looking up I noticed I was late

Found my scope and kicked a cat

Made the car in seconds flat

Found my way inside and had some coke

somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I read the news today oh boy

A third for Britain at Spurn Point, Yorkshire

And though the crowds were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they know how many twitchers it takes to fill Hull City Hall

I'd love to turn you on

Lyrics by Q with a little help from my friends Paul, John, George, Richard Starkey. 

And Mr Sting. 

.............

Rio bastard Ferdinand rant

Is it just me that is sick to the fucking back teeth of Rio Ferdinand fucking exclusives in the papers? He's a cock. He's a fucking manc cock who has bigged  himself up throughout his shite career. His goal celebration tells you everything. Someone else scores. He runs the full length of the pitch, thus arriving on the scene later and jumps over the top of his stinking manc team mates and all the photos in the fucking press show that bastard splashed all over the back page. He looks like Plug out the Bash Street Kids. And he's on coke. There, I said it.

Rio Ferdinand exclusive: Man U let me go to QPR.
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: My story about Welbeck going to Arsenal.
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: I do a piss in the morning. 
Rio Ferdinand exclusive: Who gives two flying fucks about what I think exclusive.

I'll tell you what fucking Ferdinand, fuck off you fucking mancs bastard you fucking stinking twat. If you fancy your chances I'll meet you anywhere and give you a proper kicking you stinking mancs bastard. And he played for them stinking white bastards too! Fuck me, can you get any worse? He might as well go and play for Jihadi Beheading XI just to complete the set. 

There, I said it.
Excellent rant.



1 Curlew. 









...............

Patch!

I've found a patch. Sort of. I was wasting time as the kids were asleep in the back of the car and Fats wasn't leaving work for another 20 minutes, the conundrum being : children asleep : 7-8 minutes from home : by the time I got home it's nearly time to leave to pick fats up : may even wake children in process of going in 'home' : ergo, pointless trip home, : ergo, may as well wait around here (here being St. Andrews Quay just off the A63 in Hull). Hang on, I have binocular aids with me. I'll have a quick scout round the bushes near Mr Chu's the chinese restaurant in which I saw Two Jags Prescott once which is a top celebrity story I think you'll agree. I 'birded' from the car and viewed only two bushes! These two bushes held 3 Willow, 2 Whitethroat, 2 Greeneth Fincheth and 2 Robins. Okay. And? Well it gave me enough in 7andahalfminutes to warrant a return next morneth with more time.

Next morneth, more time, although only halfanhour:
5 Willow
1 Chiff
6 Whitethroat
1 Reedeth Bunting
1 Lesser Whitethroat
1 Reed Warbler.

Now this isn't bad. The 'patch' is on the side of the Humber, I think liddle blighters fly south, see an expanse of water and ditch down for a bit. I actually had my phone in my hand after viewing the Reed W in a few short bursts. The first few times I saw it, it was in Elders, scurrying down branches and it looked short winged! The jizz and the habitat (there were a million rushes right next to the Elders it preferred) said 'not reed'. I honestly thought I had a Blyths even though I hadn't seen much of it, I had upto now an acro that wasn't behaving like a Reed and I was about to ring for backup and run through a few features. Then it showed well and sat on a rush and it appeared to be a Reed Warbler. The short wings now had a fairly standard 'long' primary projection, the supercil stopped at the tiny eyeball...... I am shit. But you know when something's not right? Well I just had that feeling.
Bah!

In Henley I saw this sign:



What do you do if you only what a small rug?
Nicola called me stupid.
Maybe I am. Maybe I am when it comes to unstreaked acros anyway.

I will continue to check my little patch, especially as there's easterlies right now and clear weather.





Fin
................

Porsh

We're darn sarf. Henley to be precise, camping. It is porsh rarnd har. £4.40 for a pint of piss-flavoured Fosters?! Gordon Bennett! (James) Gordon Bennett (jr) was a newspaper magnate around the turn of the century. Did you know that? I aren't telling you anymore about him as it is a) uninteresting b) pointless and c) if I tell you lot you'll then know as much as me.
Etc.
I ataken (atook) the children and Fats to Woburn to the safari park (that is) there. It's actually the first time I've seen tigers, alright not "tickable" tigers but tigers in the flesh all the same. Tigers are brilliant. FA cup finalists and in Europe? Ha.
That was a good joke.
The park held Black Bear, Giraffe, Lion and Zebra amongst others. There was a tiny deer at the side of the road which didn't look well as someone was attending to it. The guy turned 'round. It was Louis van Gaal!
"Fawn ill?" I asked.
He said "don't you fucking start......"
Hahahahahaha. Ha.
That was a good joke.
Ha.

Right. This is a birding blog. Right? Supposedly centred roughly around Spurn. Right?
Well here's some bird bits. Right.
The campsite holds Red Kite, Willow, Chiff, Blackcap, Treecreeper, RN Parakeet, Green Wood, and an Egyptian Goose with one good arm. Pheasant, "Mallard" random ducks, one of which Ruby has befriended and has named it, rather preposterously, "Friendy", and several other more dull species than the ones I've already highlighted.
And now a Spurn bit. Just for you.
I went to Spurn last week, alas with children. They like it though. I managed a seawatch of some description and observed the following species in varying numbers:
Little Tern, Sandwich Tern, Common Tern, Your Tern, Right Tern, As Tern, Gannet, Common Scoter, Eider (5 north - important figures)....and other stuff as well. Med Gull betwixt Kilnsea and Easington, etc. What I did see though was a Grey Partridge with one young opposite Kilnsea Wets. Evidence of breeding! Successful breeding! I had a conundrum:
a) Do I report this? or
b) Is it lame to report this?
In the probability that it is in fact b) lame to report this, I sort of forgot to report this. Poor observatory skills. Again.
I atook the girls to see Alan's Little Owls. Alas, to no avail. I had promised them Owls, tiny Owls. Cute Owls. Tiny, cute, bald, baby, beautiful, bald, baby Owls yet I could not deliver. Poor parenting skills. They cried all the way home and through the night although that may be due to me downing 14 pints and singing "We're by far the greatest team...." at the top of my voice whilst stood on the dining table with only some ill-fitting socks as attire. EXCELLENT parenting skills!




A toast! Here's to holding them to only four......






.............

Vivid piss death

Is blogging dead? No one seems to bother in the ornithological world of ornithology. Apart from a few obviously. And well done to them I say. I'll tell you what is dead though, the Willow Warbler population. Is it just me but has there been a massive decrease in numbers? Has anyone else noticed similar trend? Also Kestrels. I spend a lot of time travelling these days and on any given journey you used to see several hunting the roadside verges. Sometimes many. But now I'm lucky if I see one. Birds of prey are, generally, doing fantastically well and numbers are expanding at an alarming rate, Red Kite and Buzzard in particular. I do not know why Kestrels have slumped. Let's think about it.

Kestrels hunt by spotting the vivid piss of a vole as they can see through their eyeballs in ultraviolet mode, they then edge closer to the vivid piss and watch for movement, ultimately pouncing on the unfortunate vole whom met its death due to its own vivid piss. Has evolution acted so quickly that a vole can now disguise it's own vivid piss as to further its own chances at the big game that is survival? Selection of the fittest, natural selection, evolution in work, go figure.

As for Willow Warbler decline I can only guess that devolution has occurred and Mother Nature has lumped willow and the chiff complex back into the single species they obviously were some.....I'm guessing......50,000 years ago?

What am I talking about? Maybe blogging SHOULD be dead. Well, MY blogging anyway I hear you cry.

If this blog is dead I'll leave you with this I've recently found out:

After strangulation, which organ in a woman's body stays warm the longest?
My cock.




Goodnight.






........

Bardon and the FA gub

Hiya.  I've been going to Barton just lately.  When we used to go as nippers it was a bit shit really but now the area has breeding things that you're not allowed to talk about, well not online in the public domain anyway.  Should I even say that?  Not sure.  I'll go back and delete it.  But then the post would just read like this:


Hiya.  I've been going to Barton just lately.  When we used to go as nippers it was a bit shit really.

The End.

*add random photo*
*add Manc insult*



*add dots*

....................


Another rubbish post.  So I'll just leave it and ask you not to tell any egg collectors that you may know.  I know quite a few and tell them if I see something rare breeding as I'm sure they won't bother them.
Really though, it's a bit much when we can't talk openly about breeding stuff.

Marsh

Jump Jet

Bitten

Jetties

Someone who warbles.

I saw a fucking Slavonian Grebe.  And a Long Tailed Duck.  Slav Grebe?  Schedule 1.  But I'm allowed to talk about shit like that. I've also been to Hornsea a couple of times lately.  Velvet Scoter, another Long Tailed Duck yet no Egyptian Geeses or Red Crested Pochard which had been reported.

Big game tomorrow in the race for 7th as Newcastle take on Man U at the Sports Direct Arena!
etc, etc.

FA Cup Semi Final next weekend.  And of course I'm biased but I'm also a very realist when it comes to gambling (my heart never rules my head when it comes to gambling) but Hull Tigers are 8/11 with several firms to beat Sheff U in 90 minutes.  That is a huge price.  Our strikers are cup tied (Long and Jelavic) and the pundits will pick up on this in the coming days.  Don't let that put you off.  Fryatt is a better finisher hands down than Jelavic, Long is a miss but Sagbo is far far better than Sheff U have faced this season, City should be backed at that price.

Get on.




...................

Spurn. 24th March

Went to Spurn again.  Not been too many times this year what with working away pet refurbing and installing portacabins.

Bordagabin.

Did 'BehindWhiteHorse' first as I often do.  Nil.  Nada.
Then Sammy's in the hope of a Wheatear or a Yellow Wag then I realised it was still only 24th March and thoughts of a Yellow Wag were probably somewhat frivolous.

friv·o·lous

  [friv-uh-luhs]

adjective

1.

characterized by lack of seriousness or sense when hoping for a Yellow Wag in March: frivolous conduct.

2.

self-indulgently carefree; unconcerned about or lacking any serious purpose when thinking about Yellow fucking Wags in March.

3.

(of a person or Yellow Wag) given to trifling or undue levity: a frivolous, empty-headed person or Yellow Wag.

4.

of little or no weight, worth, or importance; not worthy of serious notice especially of Yellow Wagtails in March: a frivolous suggestion of Yellow Wag.  In March.

Origin: 
1425–75; late Middle English  < Latin Motacilla flava worthless, trifling.

So there.  How interesting.
There were no Wheateaters or, somewhat unsurprisingly, Yellow Wagtails in the area.  I did however see a Meadow Pipit.

It's high tide.  I might go have a look on Beacon Ponds.  Alright, I will.  And I did.  The water level was ridiculously high and any chance of wader action was defunct.  Poor fieldcraft.  I picked up a calling Chiff along Beacon Lane before heading to Kilnsea Wets to see if any wader action was appertaining.  There was but not much.  Curlew, Redshank, and a Snipe.  Hmmm.  Ha, a White Wag with two Pied Wags!  Beautiful sub-species migrant action.  The Brents then started coming in to bathe, drink and piss.  I started counting them to relieve the boredom but some of them were walking: LEFT, some were walking: RIGHT and some were still but then decided to move LEFT and RIGHT.  Just keep still.  I got upto 118 when another load flew in.  Shit bags.  Starting again, I got to 176 when another load flew in.  Tits.  I did this 48 times until I got to a figure of 365.  They then shimmied off into the next field so I left and as I got to the car another c.120 Brent Gooses flew in to join the other 365 Brent Geeses.  So after obtaining a really accurate count I then had to guess at c.120 to add to the 365.  The accurate count that took about two months to complete was then downgraded to a circa 485 which is quite a good number really.

Now the grand finale.  The contents of this post have been quite mind numbing so far but this should lift your spirits:

A crane lifting a bordagabin.

Excitement.





......................