First for Planet Earth discovered

Inter-planetary vagrancy is discussed on the birding forums all the time. Non-stop, people can't get enough of it.  A Bare-faced Bulbul from Neptune (the first Planet Earth record) has been discovered in Laos, a country near Australia.  This has caused quite a stir amongst earthling birders according to a report a Neptunian tabloid newspaper 'The Sun' ( you see, Neptune has a star that it revolves around which they also call the "sun", a bit like here on Earth except that our Sun revolves around the Earth).

Bare-faced Bulbuls migrate from Neptune in early August, post-breeding, and undertake an intergalactic journey that takes.............well, given that the nearest galaxy to ours is some 100,000 light years away and if the Bulbul were to fly at light speed..............it would take at least 100,000 light years.  Puts our shitty Arctic Tern to shame.

Now it seems that the power's getting stronger every day, I feel the strength, an inner fire....start again.  Now it seems that after leaving Neptune's atmosphere (oh what an atmosphere, I love a party with a happy atmosphere) the bird was blown off course by westerly trade winds and Atlantic depressions just north of Jupiter and hitched a ride on a (space) ship to rest somewhere near Mars and fly ashore safely into a jungle in Laos.

I like to scare deaf people by yawning.

Russ Pipit (Pechora's brother)

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L Y'legs

'Lesser Yellowlegs, Paull Holme strays, 730am, near the first island after the steps, has done quite a few pisses' 'Tinternet stated.  It didn't give any detailsas to how the bird had pissed, either squatting down like a female or up against the reeds like a male but I planned on finding out this very vital information.

I walked the embankment to where the bird had been showing.  Fuck me, the tide's coming in fast.  Father-in-law had been fishing at Spurn previous day and had said the tide looked like the biggest of the year, so perhaps I should've checked the high tide times.  After a short while checking the waders in the area it became clear that really I should've checked the high tide times.  The tide was flooding the mudflats and quickly moving the remaining waders to pastures new either to continue feeding or to roost.  This other guy and I started the long walk back when, with the naked eye, "that's flying interesting........THAT'S FLYING INTERE....." said I about a wader that had flushed up from the weedy area.  We got on it. "That's it!" excellent.  It flew across just in front of us, with us viewing from just below the bird.  We followed it until lost to view far to the east of us.



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Spurn

I'd bought a sandwich.  A girl nearby was looking hungry, so I decided to give her a bit.  I took my meat out and popped it into her mouth.  She chewed on it.  She chewed it a bit more, not too hard though until she couldn't chew it any more and just swallowed the fat.  In the area were a couple of dykes, and with it raining, their crevices were very wet and overflowing.  The sides of the dyke's wet valleys were surrounded with bush which looked very interesting to me.  I decided to have a delve into the dykes bushes and give them a good pounding.  If I'd have waded straight in I would have to go through the wettest parts first, so I decided to leave these parts 'til last and entered from the rear, taking them from behind.  I moved over the contours of the dykes mounds and soon found myself moving lower, I peered at the lovely looking moist area in front of me.  A Reed Warbler was the only thing of note and how did Julian Clary make a full career out of shit double-entendre?



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Pratincole

Pulfin and High Eske?  What?  Puffin and what?  I've never been there before, where is it?  It's near Beverley on the Hornsea road?  Oh, I'm with you.  I parked where I was told to park, I walked where I was told to walk, I looked where I was told to look, and a Collared Pratincole was where it was told to be.

It was just sat there, doing fuck all, bored out of its tiny mind, totally pissed off with the torrential rain that was drenching its balls.  And cock.  But what a walk to get there, for me, not the Pratincole which I presume flew there.  The nice lady who helped me with directions said, ten, fifteen minutes walk. It was fucking miles.  And wet.  But still, I've been complaining about the lack of quality birds around (it is July after all) when all of a sudden, BANG! one comes along all at once.
Eh?

Presumably this was the bird from West Yorkshire which was seen at Fairburn and Swillington Ings where it was joined by 3 Whiskered Terns!  Nice.

It's been a good couple of months for Pratincoles in Britain, with a reported Collared (with white trailing-edge to the wing) being re-identified as an Oriental, a Black-winged being a longish stayer in Norfolk plus what was probably todays bird being seen at several sites around the country.  I think at one point all three species were present in England on the same day.



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Wind up

I do wind Nicola up.  There's a flyover in Gipsyville (a locale in the west of Hull) from where there is a factory roof viewable and this roof plays host to many gulls, usually with the sun at your back so in great light to photograph the many Gulls there including lots of Lesser Black-backs.

Drivingover the flyover with definate non-birding girlfriend, Nicola, I stated that the roof was indeed good for Lesser Black-backs.  We saw some. Lots.  I asked her if she'd ever sworn at a Lesser Black-back Gull.
"What you on about?" she replied.
"It's a simple question, have you ever sworn at a Lesser Black-backed Gull like called one a bastard or other?"
"No" she replied.
"Why not?"  I asked.
"I don't know what one looks like".
"So that implies that you MIGHT have sworn at one before but you didn't know it was one?" I continued to press.
"Suppose so." she said started to get rattled.
"So you may have sworn at one and not known it?"
"NO!"
"How do you know you haven't?"
"I just haven't, alright?" she said.
"Let me put it another way.  Have you ever had reason to swear at a Lesser Black-backed Gull?"
"No, I have never had reason to swear at a Lesser Black-backed Gull". she said.
"That's fine then, why didn't you just say that?"

So there you have it, Nicola has never sworn at a Lesser Black-backed Gull because she's 'never had reason to'.Fair enough, I only asked.

At that point I shouted out of the window and called one a cunt much to my hilarity and much to her disdain.



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Rejections.

Can anyone tell me why the Mottled Swift from October 88 was rejected by the BBRC?  It was seen (therefore identified) in Norfolk the day before being seen at Spurn for 3 or 4 days on and off, therefore independent observers from both Norfolk and Spurn had seen and identified this bird and, with the 'grapevine' absolutely nowhere near what it is today, I would suggest that the Spurn observers didn't even know that one had been seen the day previous, I certainly didn't know.

Amongst the observers at Spurn was a guy who had just returned from south of the sahara and enjoyed masses of experience of this species there.  He was sure it was this species.  The rest of the observers there were also confident.  I didn't have a clue!  I'd not even heard of it!  I take it it was rejected on ID grounds?  I understand firsts for Britain (and indeed the Western Palearctic) have to be very well described and documented but I'm sure this was very well described and documented.  I find this hard to take. I'm still not sleeping at night.  This is the one and only reason I drink just to at least TRY and help me sleep.
And the Demoiselle Crane.
Fucking Wankers, there I said it.



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uPVC windows and Carpentry

Fitting windows (working), the customer lent me a radio as I had left mine on another job.  It was tuned to Radio 2 soI left it there, might as well.  During the day, up popped Karen Carpenter singing "....you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you......." to which I realised that it fucking IS!  It is about whoever she's singing about, so what is she on about?  "You're so vain".......she's having a pop at him (I'm presuming that the subject is male) about being vain for thinking that the song is about him!  It is, otherwise why is she singing it?  So by that rationale, he's not really vain for thinking that the song is about him because it is about him, so he's done nothing wrong.  Follow?  Or Kylie Simon or whoever it was.

At this point I changed the station in furious anger and listened to something hip, dude!

Actually, it's not much of a song if our Kylie started singing sense "you're not vain, because you're correct in thinking that this song is about you......." is not quite as catchy.  Sorry Kylie, perhaps you were simply utilising artistic license and I shouldn't be as pedantic in future when listening to lyrics from top tunes like the fucker you came up with.

Karen and Mr Carpentry

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