Not a Clue

I don’t understand shatterproof rulers.

Do you? 

I understand that the manufacturers don’t want them to shatter easily. But, when you think about this, this benefits nobody. The manufacturer or the buyer. So. I’ve never had a ruler shatter on me. Have you? 

Probably because they’re shatterproof. To make a ruler shatter I’d have to put some force into it. When using a ruler, I’m usually quite calm and drawing straight lines, so if I were to make that ruler shatter, I must WANT it to shatter, as in, somethings annoyed me, maybe the ruler has annoyed me, so I SMASH it on the desk or similar everyday household object. But it doesn’t shatter! 

Because It’s shatterproof. 

That’s shatter. 

proof. 

So it doesn’t shatter even though I want it to. All other times, when drawing lines, or measuring random things, etc, the ruler is never in danger of shattering. 

So, it doesn’t shatter when you want it to. Now, the manufacturers would surely sell more rulers if they did actually shatter? Let’s say someone goes mental while they’re drawing really straight lines and takes it out on the poor ruler only to find it doesn’t shatter so throws another arbitrary object at the wall and shatters it thus relieving his/her anger. They then replace the arbitrary object that they’ve just smashed instead of the ruler the very next day, thus the manufacturer of said arbitrary object gains another sale. 

So we can’t smash the ruler if we want to, and it’s not going to shatter itself, but if it did the manufacturers would gain another sale in stationary goods that not only measure random things but you can also draw really straight lines with. 

No one gains. 

Fucking no one. 

Multi-purpose Compost. I thought this through. I’m not a gardener. But I thought I’d give it a whirl. I bought some multi purpose compost. I planted some things that can only be described as plants in said compost. What else can this multi purpose item be used for? I ate some. It didn’t taste very nice to be honest but I hadn’t eaten since June (it was September) so I tucked in and had a slice of bread with it. 

It wasn’t very nice. 

So I put some of it in my car. Like, on the back seats and in the petrol tank. I broke down literally 40 seconds later and had to clean the back seats because there was a load of compost on it. 

Them. 

So I put some on my head. 

That’s it. 

Nothing happened. Obviously. 

Then I put multi purpose compost in my roof space and to this day I’m not sure whether it has made any difference or not. All I know is that there’s limited purposes for compost. So to advertise it as multi purpose is scandalous. It is pretty good for growing plants in, but it tastes shit, cannot be used as fuel for a car, doesn’t do anything to your head but may add some benefit to your loft space even though it smells after 6-8 weeks. 

Begonias. 

Head and Shoulders buyers. None of you have dandruff. 

“I don’t”. 

So you don’t need to buy Head and Shoulders. Buy, erm, a cheaper shampoo because you don’t have dandruff. Only buy expensive stuff like that if you’ve got dandruff or you simply don’t care about your hair or your appearance. Or your tits. I’m not sure where that last bit came from. It was a bit of an outburst. I’m sorry.