Joel (disgraceful L***s fan) and I were booked on a return flight and some accommodation on Shetland (or the land of shet according to my daughters) for c4 nights and c5 days with Joel sorting everything out as usual.
Set off Sunday, with Joel driving all the way to, wait for it, Aberdeen for the 730 flight next mcmorn. I drank apple flavoured brown booze and did Joel’s swede in all the way. As in, ALL THE WAY. That’s fine for me. Maybe not so for Joel.
But it was company. Sort of.
Tried to get heads down for an hour or two but with little to no success.
Flight. Flew.
Still drunk, we set off in true ultra birding stylee and walked through nettles and iris beds in the hope of finding an ultra rare siberian waif. We found fuck all. We did however see our only Chiffchaff of the trip! Amazing! We went and properly looked at the Eastern Yellow Wag in the back garden of some NONCE. That’s right. A nonce. I do not know why I thought the homeowner was a nonce and have no basis on which to, erm, base this. Does that even make sense? A new species for me no less although it was only a matter of time. Nonce is actually an acronym. Not On Normal Courtyard Exercise. As in, they’re kept away from the proper criminals that we all respect as they may be beaten up. Acronym is actually an acronym, which is the opposite of an oxymoron.
Hard going. Especially without recreational drugs and apple style brown booze. But then! Joel came round the corner and shouted Pechora! Was he simply celebrating the river in north west Russia? If he was, why was he celebrating the sixth longest river in Europe after the Seine, Thames, Ribble, Nile and Joan? No. A Pechora Pipit had been found no less! Sing hosannas. We went and saw it. Looked right at it. Right at it. Then went to the public house where Joel drank lager flavoured drinks and I drank brown booze made from apples. One of my fifteen a day. We also toasted the Pechora with a Brandy. A thing that will stick with us in all future Shetland trips.
Joel wore a bobble hat which said Leeds United on it and he wasn’t even ashamed. What if someone saw him? They’ve got no shame that lot.
I didn’t even try to have sexual encounters with any of the bar staff. I was that tired. And they had beards.
A two tick day! I cannot remember the last time that happened.
1 Chiffchaff
1 Eastern Yellow Wag
1 Pechora Pipit!
The land of Shet is quite something.
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