2019 round up XI. Or maybe seven? Maybe five, I don’t know.,

A Wheatear had been found. A rare one. But which rare one? It was one of those Pied/Black Eared females that look just like each other. Hmmm... I consulted the Shellguide to the Birds of Britain then immediately threw it in the bin and picked up another, much more up to date field guide. The leading minds of Ornithology were totally undecided and couldn’t agree on a positive ID. I assigned this to the “unidentifiable in the field” bracket and decided on not travelling as I’d seen several Pieds yet no Black Eared but was confident that this couldn’t be ID’d safely.
This has started almost like a proper birding blog.
And we can’t have that. Can we?!
Can we.....FUCK. There I said it.
Them German soldiers must’ve been thick as fuck. I was in Amsterdam recently and must’ve seen about eight signs all pointing directly to Ann Franks house.
That’s better. Some gratuitous swearing and a shite joke. I feel normal now.
So. Then came the news that some Wheatear shite had been collected. DNA sample sent to Prof. Maybe then? Then came the news that mitochondrial DNA isn't always separable in Pieds/Black Eared. Maybe not then.
This one couldn’t be separated by DNA.
Definitely not then.
Then came news of a ‘ringers feature’ ie an ID feature that ringers use, like the feature on Collared Flys where they have a pale collar on their skin around the nape if you fluff the feathers up. Amazing stuff what we they know these days. So Black Eared show a whitish base to the mantle feathers, maybe then, but these can only be seen if the feathers are fluffed up, maybe not then.
Someone posted shots online. From the rear. In the wind. Feathers fluffed right the fuck up. With white base shafts (shafts - ha! Hilarious!)
A pissing Black Eared Wheatear no less! One that can’t be ID’d in the pissing field! But it has! Oh yeah. It has!
Blackpool here we pissing come. I ran round the house like a pissing loony collecting various birding artefacts and attire. Well I grabbed my pissing bins. Then I grabbed my pissing car key and ran out the door shouting “piiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” and I held the “ssss” all the way until I got into the car. Ethel next door said “Morning” and I just ran past her going “sssssssssssssssss” as she’d missed the “piiii” bit.

On arrival I parked where I was told to park by the information services and walked all of 10 yards onto the grass verge and immediately saw the unidentifiable Black Eared Wheatear down to about 20 feet. I couldn’t ID it as it was a nice calm day, does that mean I don’t get a tick in my birdspottering jotter  pad? Well I do in my eyes. Fuck the rules and fuck Evans.
At the Wheat I was stood with a decent bloke and had a good yarn. I think he was from Donny.

There, that was almost like a proper birding blog post wasn’t it?
Coming next time, gratuitous cock jokes aplenty, swearing like an absolute trooper, lots of made up facts about a random subject, and the usual childish jokes you’re accustomed to.


Cocks.



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