John Craven's Newsround

Straight over to big John Craven:

Shocking news from the celebrity world this week as Sarah Harding has been involved in a fight with her boyfriend. What would you do with Sarah Harding eh? I'd have a right fucking go on that.

Sarah had claimed that he 'grabbed her by the throat' but Newsround now believes that he SWUNG her round by the TITS before KICKING her in the PISSFLAPS and ended by BLOBBING in her EYE and HAIR. Which, to be fair to him is pretty much what I'd have done to her.

Sport news now and Manchester United fans are getting ready for their last game of the season... on Sunday.

And finally, Q has been looking into the taxonomic status of Siberian Chiffchaff lately. It appears that the race tristis has genetic differences between 1.5-2.0% in comparison to albeitanus and collybitta however they're fucking spelt. Q believes this difference is very significant, some separate species only having some 0.2% digression betwixt each other. Hybridisation has not been found to occur betwixt tristis and Albertinius or Collybeta, the race has different vocalisations, separate range and does not respond to the calls of either albinterinius or Collinsbitter. In summary, Q thinks this should be treated as a separate species and is adding it to his British and Yorkshire lists. So there. He recognises that the BBRC and the BOU have far, far better birding knowledge than himself but, on this occasion, Q thinks there is enough evidence to tick the fucker. Q also realises that the UK400 club has split this but added 'fuck me, Evans has got 7 species of fucking Redpoll on his list so he's just an in-it-for-the-numbers that splits anything sort of bloke. In a cheeky George Michael kind of way'.

He's ticking Sibe Chiff. It's his list. What do you lot think of that?

Join me on Sunday when I'll be doing Countryfile and looking at whether the green belt is just for show, and whether or not all waterbirds should be shot.

Goodnight.


Thanks for that John. But how come you try to style your hair like Mark Lawrenson?





...............