Hello. Even though I’m drunken now, I’ve just read my last “saved” post that I was obviously halfway through. I have to say, even for me, what the fuck am I on about?! I could just delete it but no, then no one would see what kind of shite I can HONESTLY come up with! So I’ll post it and maybe finish it off/rewrite day 4.
Here goes:
Bashed our usual haunts and saw FUCK ALL, blah blah blah, then saw a mega again. This is where I should finish this post. But that’s not what my beloved reader wants! Oh no.
“It fucking is” said my mother, the lone reader.
Again, we tried. We tried to find something. It’s hard going. If you’re birding Spurn, say, you give it a go and youlll see Black Red, Little Stint, maybe a Hawfinch, some Woodcock, that sort of thing, but up there you just see FUCK ALL. But then you see a mega, and maybe twitch a couple of other things making it a great day. I’m not complaining. Well, maybe I am. And it was today that I decided to fuck off to pub early in an attempt to a) drink more b) find a local retailer of recreational drugs and c) finger some poor victim, I mean, meet a genuine woman whom I could have intelligent conversation with (finger them).
Before I legged it to pub, we tried, again, to find something. We were close as Cleggy got onto a large Pipit flying along the cliff but didn’t call and simply fucked off, probably to pub, which incidentally was where I wanted to go. So I did. Later. Soon.
Another mega was found! Come on! Shetland is mental. Zero Robin. Zero Pied Fly. One Brambling. One Chiff. Four megas. This new mega was ANOTHER Yellow Rumped Warbler very close to yesterday’s and found by the same birder! Fair play to the guy but I reckon even he was just a touch disappointed that his second Nearctic warbler in two days was the same species?! We were that “overjoyed” that we simply didn’t go and look right at it. I went on the raging piss and birding stalwart Joel carried on birding and saw FUCK ALL. I saw fuck all in pub.
Last year I noticed a working men’s club. Must have a snooker table? So I went and checked it out. TWO snooker tables and a room full of pool tables and dart boards! Sing hosannas! Fuck Yellow Rumped Warblers. So I had a knock. Then shetters people started coming in and playing pool. They played alone though, as in there were six tables being played by only six people. And they knew each other. Why not play each other? But hey. I might organise a knockout next year maybe…..
Ha.
Snooker Facts:
The first ever game of snooker took place in 31bc but in a very different format. For every christian killed, the lion got 1 point then got to try and kill a colour for between 2 and 7 points. If the lion failed, it was the next lions turn.
Lions manes are actually made from lions manes and illegal trading between lions regularly occurs.
I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m on about. I mean, look at the last two facts.
Even for me….
“Snooker Loopy” by Steve Davis topped the charts for a record 27 weeks. It is to this day, Kate Middletons favourite song but Meghan Markle prefers Fog on the Tyne by Gazza and Chums. “ol’ Willie Thawn, his hairs all gawn and the lads all take the rise, his opponent said Cover up his head cos it’s shining in my eyes” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha how brilliant is that?!
Jimmy the Jew and I once did a jig outside the Crucible Theatre singing Snooker Loopy. We were drunk apparently.
Stuart Bingham once did a piss that took nearly four minutes to complete. This is the longest piss by a snookerist that Q@Spurns research dept. can find. Doug Mountjoy is second on 2 minutes 18 seconds.
Hmmm….
Have you seen Paige Spirinac? I know she’s not a snookerist and covers golf but fuck me, have you seen the state of that? I would rummage for truffles for hours. And she knows it. She fucking knows it. I shout it outside her house every day until the police arrive and reiterate I have a banning order.
Snooker was popularised by Jim Davidson
….And that’s as far as I got. Apparently. So ignore this post, but it’s just an insight into my mind when it’s at its most bollocksed. And that’s a proper word that. And Ive just started three sentences in a row with a preposition. Appalling grammar.
I will (might) revisit this. Or summat.
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