Black Hole Shenanigans

I'm sorry I haven't bothered you for some time.  Bitterly sorry.  My lack of bothering you lied with the supposed "end of the world" and my deep apathy for the whole idea.  The Mayan calendar?  I did not post for a while as if the "end of the world" was REALLY nigh then what's the point of posting?  It would be a waste of everyone's time and that time would be precious to us all at that point in the universe. Then I realised that I really didn't believe the notion of the "end of the world" just because some marginal Guatemalan pseudo-religion's calendar was about to finish, but THEN I was in no way going to post such apathy before the 21st of December, no way Jose.  I mean, what if I berated the Mayans and all their misadventure and claimed that it was all nonsense only to be proved wrong?  How would I look then?  Just as a huge asteroid broke through the Earth's atmosphere and hurtled down to wreak devastation and the end of civilisation, you'd be thinking "That Q hasn't got a fucking clue what he's talking about" and you would've been right.  As the Swiss scientists (et al) were colliding particles searching for dark matter and particles such as the Higgs Boson and accidentally created a black hole thus creating an infinite gravitational pull which would ultimately condense the world (with you inside) down the size of a small pea, they all laughed as they were stretched infinitely and chuckled "That Q looks very stupid now, ja?"

So I couldn't win.  You see?

I was gonna do a "joke" that the leader of the Mayans is Simon Salad Cream, who has a sort of lumpy face, but then realised that:

a)   No one would get it
b)   The "joke" is ripped hopelessly from Viz, and
c)   It's not really a very good joke.

So I didn't

Hang on.  I think I'm onto something about black holes....



.....hang on, bear with me......


.......right.  Right, I think I've got it.  A black hole is created when a giant star becomes so massive it's gravity outweighs it's mass and it implodes under its own gravity, sort of.  Right?  So, whatever the Swiss scientists could ever do, it couldn't add any mass at all to the mass already inside the atmosphere, right?  If you have a ball that weighs one kilogram whatever you did inside it wouldn't add mass would it?  Unless you poured some sugar in.  So there.  The Black hole theory disproved, just like I proved that Time Machines will NEVER exist (click here).  Do I win a prize?

Or actually they may be thinking that a relative black hole could be created within our time/space but only relative on a very small scale?  No, it can't be right, Quantum Physics works for the very large AND the very small.  I know I talk some shite but if anyone can comment further, please do.

Example of a Black Hole.

Although this is of course an artists impression and

not a very accurate impression of one at that.

So there.

Another example of a Black Hole,

Our lasses fucking purse.

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I should stop blogging. I'm not even sure I should publish this. But hey.

Oh lordy.  You know during Waxwing invasions when you're driving along and see a few Starlings wheeling around and you "check" that they're not Waxwings?  You watch them for a bit and decide they are just Starlings whilst careering off the road and breaking the leg of an elderly couple (just one leg of the couple, i.e. 1 in 4, sorry about that Enid).   Anyway, when you finally connect with some Waxwings you know straight away that they're NOT Starlings,  Sort of bigger, sort of longer-winged sort of, they're similar but jizz rules doesn't it?  And for all homosexual readers who simply LOVED that last sentence: 

Erm.....I didn't mean that sort....



....you big poofs!


There.


I had 15 (Homosexuals, not Waxwings) over a building site down near Watford.  They flew over, calling, and continued SW and landed in a bush laden with berries.  Piles must be a problem amongst homosexuals. 
The first thing I heard when I parked the van up on the cockerney site was this:

 

"Don't take the lorry darn there, you won't geddit darn the mugga"

The mugga?  All day I thought of the convoluted way that the cockerneys had derived "mugga" to mean "road".  I was at a loss.  I still am, and I've even yahoo'ed it (fuck you and your taxes Google).  It's dialect-based terms like this that confuse the masses and exactly why every Chinese person who has ever got into a taxi has always ended up in Harrow. 

But anyway, have a look at this amazing graphical summing up of years of research about the evolution of all genus in the bird world.  Jimmy the Jew, a gangster I know, used to train and research at Sheffield Uni and Sheffield Uni is where this research has been done it at Sheffield Uni and they've done it and sorted.  The previous was my greatest EVER sentence.

Anyway, have a look:

CLICK here you maggot farmers 

Hey, that's my fuckin Grifter you fuckin fuck,

I'm Jimmy the fukin Jew

 

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Comments enabled.....hmmm....

Several of my readers have told me they have trouble adding comments.  So I've changed some settings so it should be okay now.  It leaves me open to anonymous comments calling me a wanker and the like, but I've got a thick skin, I can take it.  So if you want to add a comment saying "Fuck you Quigs, you twat" then I'm alright with it.  But if you take it a little too  far, I will make it my life's work to find you through your IP address, track you down and tell No Neck Ted off Benedict to pay you a visit.  Some say his dad's German.  Anyway if you've got to post a comment anonymously, just put who in god's name you are within the post.  Piss easy.

I was near Benedict the other day as I was visiting all the very local sites that have ever held Waxwings.  I could've popped a mile or two down the road and seen the flocks at Asda and St Stephens but that's just not what I wanted to do.  So there.  I was rewarded with a flyover flock of c.10 SW over First Lane, not quite heading to join the flock at Sainsbury's but I presumed they'd end up there, then, not so local at all, I had another 5 going south from the car over South Ferriby on the way back from a Long Billed Dow that's been at Alkborough Flats for fourteen years.

Whoever took this photo, can I borrow it to put on my blog? 

Thanks in anticipation. 

 If you think it may be yours, just contact me and I will gladly

delete it and add someone elses stolen from Google images. 

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Ollie, Jimmy, Dennis, Val, Jimmy

Good evensong.  Upside-down Ollie is back upside down again after becoming the right way up for a couple of weeks.  Let me tell you something about upside-down Ollie, he is a right proper bastard.

There.

"Why is upside-down Ollie a right proper bastard?" I hear my beloved readers cry.
Well, he is a right proper bastard because he has tickets to see The Stone Roses in his new home town of Perth on March the bastard 3rd next year.  So now do you see why he is right proper bastard?  I knew you'd agree.  Right now I'm engulfed with green envy which will ease, then ease some more until March the bastard 3rd starts to emerge on the horizon when I will build to a crescendo on March the bastard 3rd when I will just wear a flower pot top pop mop top pop pot shot flops stylee hat and listen to the Roses all day drinking strong cider to appease my longing.  After, I will be awaiting upside-down Ollie's report with baited breath.  Magic, it'll be magic.

I care not though, as by then I will have tickets myself to one of next year's British gigs, and I also care not as last week I went to see Wolfsbane.  So there.  Sit on that.

"I pour my brain into a can and beer swamps my mind
Turning me from a man into something less defined
An open wound with raw emotions bleeding forth
The night becomes a swamp as the brew takes its course"

 

- Dennis Thatcher c.1989

James "Jimmy" James and I went to the pub first.  Then to another pub.  Then more pubs until we found ourselves in the Sheffield area of the country.  We looked for the right site and looked carefully until we found one of several poisonous perennial herbs of the genus Aconitum, especially A. lycoctonum, native to northern Europe, having broad rounded leaves, elongate racemes, and light purple flowers......... 

How can something so beautiful be such poison?

Barren yet fertile?

Placid yet dangerous?

Beautiful yet bollocks.....

................No, not that kind of Wolfsbane you fucking nonces!  This Wolfsbane:

Totally rock 'n' roll.  See how Jeff is OUTSIDE

yet still wearing shorts and Jase needs to ABSOLUTELY put his jacket on. 

If that's not rock, I don't know what is!

 

So, after standing there in the Corporation in Sheffield with stinking middle aged, balding, fat, ugly, drunken men, the rest of the crowd said let's move over there away from these two and watch Wolfsbane!  That was a good joke, wasn't it.  They're pretty good but time is not on their side, alas.
During "Manhunt" a basic MAN came on the stage with a basic WOLF'S MASK on and sort of growled at the crowd!  It was all a bit early eighties, trying to evoke an Eddie-type mascot, though I'm sure it was meant tongue-in-cheek.
I think the actual clip of that is on Youtube.

So there.

Strangely, I was looking at my lists (which I don't often do) and realised looking through it that I've dipped a fair few things.  I even totted up the "dip list" i.e. things not on the list that I've gone for in some way and not seen.  Some proper bastards like Double Crested Cormorant (how did I miss that, it stayed for 18 years), Long Toed Stint, Blue Cheeked Bee Eater ( the Cowden bird still REALLY sticks in the throat), Slate Coloured Junco, then some proper Yorkshire bastards like Red Eyed Vireo, and some proper Spurn bastards like Least Sand.  The dip list totalled 39!  I think I remember reading Garry Bagnells dip list and I think my 39 outweighs his no end, so list-for-list, 39 is pretty massive in comparison.  This means that I:

a)  don't "go" for things as quick as I should
b)  don't spend enough time at said quarry, and
c)  have a big, brown cock.

Ergo, Man U are disgusting, cheating, lucky bastards who stink of piss.


This is the end, my only friend, the end.  To quote Ice Man out of Top Gun.

Hatstand.

Who in the name of Jimmy Savile's shiny ballsack

still has a hatstand in the foyer?  Or vestibule?

I'll tell you, the clinically insane that's who.

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Another pointless post, losing the will to blog/live

Blogger, my blog host, gives me insights into the hits I recieve, info such as which countries people have visited from, what time of day is most popular, even things like which operating system is most popular, it even gives a pie chart of the various operating systems!  Like who in the name of Satan would want to know that?  Another snippet of useless information it offers is what phrases have people googled to arrive at this poorly written shite very informative weblog of the highest order.  This I look at sometimes as it often throws up some crazy insights into the minds of the googling working class.  Today's offerings:

abu hamza key holder

"spurn trying"

co workers suck eachother off

now then now then glad he's not alive

i cant feel my legs pig

mince lion for sale.

Mince Lion for sale?  I'm gonna google that......yep, I come up second one down on google.  Hmmm.  This perhaps offers more of an insight into the poor quality subject matter on here than the minds of the proletariat.

I promise I will try to improve.

Chestnut Eared Bunting?  Holy jesus christ mamma. 

There's a voice that keeps on calling me,

down the road, that's where I'll always be.

And every step I take, I'll make a new friend,
Can't stay for long just ture around and I'm gone again.

 

Honest, I will tell you about interesting things one day.  Even a report from Spurn, which is meant to be the whole point of this. 





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Wolfsbane tomorrow

Good evening.  Spurn was, how do I say this, a bit shit.  October.  Mid October.  I even went on my birthday (15th) to extract birthday treats.  And thanks for all the happy birthday goodwill messages.  Birthday treats included 2 Chiffs along Westfield Lane (I did Easington for most of that day), 2 Jays in the same area which in any other year would be pretty mega for the Spurn area.  Without checking, I reckon Spurn's had more.....erm....Radde's than Jays.  I think that's about right.  Then 3 Redpoll sp. dropped straight into Sammy's from on-high.  Chances.  They were flighty and I never nailed the bastards. 

Rio Ferdinand - what a wanker.  I hate that racist.
L***s - typical showing.
Hull City - back where we belong, the top team in Yorkshire
Sheffield tomorrow - the mighty Wolfsbane playing live.

There. 

That's it, I'm pisses.



That was meant to say I'm pissed, but "I'm pisses" sound infinitely better.
I'm pisses.

....In another world...in another universe....

...tonight.....all hell is breaking loose.....

Might see you there you slags





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Jimmy Savile Owed the Tax Man

Rattle rattle jewellery jewellery say everything twice say everything twice.

Jimmy Savile.  Who'd have thought it eh? 

Well.....I would actually.

I once saw Jimmy Savile on a twitch.  I'd twitched Pied Wheat AND Woodchat Shrike from Leeds to Scarborough on train back in my University days.  I dipped both, but on the sea front whilst searching, Jimmy Savile came jogging by!  At the time, I used to do exaggerated impressions of Jimmy Spitting Image style, much to the chagrin (or amusement) of Jim, of Research Dept fame.  Jimmy jogged past, training for his next marathon and said "hello" to me and fingered an innocent girl who just 'appened to be in his way.

I like grammar and it's effects.  Look at this sentence:

Jimmy Savile - pervert.

Change the grammar:

 

Jimmy's a vile pervert.

Coincidence?  I think not.  Susan Boyle has leapt to the defence of Savile, saying she was on his show when she was 15 and he definitely didn't touch her.
The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.
The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
Jimmy Savile's family have had the gravestone removed along with all the flowers as a mark of respect. It just leaves a small hole and no bush around it.
Just what he would have wanted.
But he's dead.  I'm glad he's dead.  There.  I'm not sure if I've ever said that sentence before.  Actually, I'm not glad he's dead.  I wish he was still alive so he could face the charges, face the public, and face the victims.  When I saw the lucky bastard sick pervert who got away with banging school girls on Scarborough front, he was wearing the most garish shell suit imaginable.  When he died Primark brought out a shell suit in his honour.  The top was a normal, adult sized shell suit top but you had to really try and squeeze into the kid's bottoms. 

They've just found his diary, his last entry was about 13 years old.

Allegedly: BBC cover up, Savile supplied boys to Ted Heath from "the" Jersey children's home, yes, that Ted Heath, John Peel, Fluff Freeman's kinky parties, children supplied by Savile plied with drugs and alcohol, Jonathon King present, Savile denied ever visiting the children's home on Jersey - there are pictures of him there, Heath regularly took boys on his yacht for the weekend, "Mr Eddy" is a well known term in and around Hampstead and the children's home nearby, Esther Rantzen (matriarch of child line) allegedly knew about Savile, hypocritical nazi, but worst of all, Savile had a tax debt when he died.  How could he do such a thing?.....etc, etc....

All I know is that a LOT of people must've known about Savile.  Mainly BBC orientated people.  Heads should fucking roll.
Enquiries need to begin.
Heads should roll.
Simple as that.

Say everything twice, say everything twice.

Spurn in morning you slags......





p.s. R.I.P. Jase and Kev.

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