After the purile attempt at summing up our fourth day on Shetland, I promised (blah) to revisit this.
As per the previous report, we went birding and saw fuck all but then another mega turned up which was the same species as the previous days mega so means fuck all in our bird jotter spotting tick list. At this point, Mark, as I’ve decided to write in the third person suddenly, had had enough and decided to go directly to the public houseries in the area. Mark then found a members club which he entered. On entry he was asked to sign in as a non member, which he did in anticipation, he then received nearly a pint of apple drinks in exchange for money. Mark continued to pay money in exchange for apple based drinks throughout the night.
Sexy Mark then walked down some stairs to the snookerist area. Behold! Two snooker tables and no less than six pool tables! There were no real cues, alas, some people were waiting in line for the best ones. Q then joined the queue for a cue. And that is/was the greatest ever “joke” on this website so don’t ring in. And if your Auntie Pauline doesn’t quite get it, don’t even fucking try to explain it as it doesn’t really make sense to me either. I mean, Mark.
Joel, who supports L***n (luton) was still hardcore birding like a madman and saw FUCK ALL I saw fuck all in pub as well. Mark.
Would you fuck about with Nigella Lawson? The handsome Mark perhaps would. He sometimes thinks her ample bosom and cooking skills are quite productive. And she likes a line. Mark bets she gets decent gear though. Better than he gets. Because she can cook and has got an ample bosom. And she’s a millionaire.
Nigella talks to Mark through the television, quite possibly in his own mind. Sometimes she’s just on the television, as in, not really there in his front room, but most of the time, she really is there with him in his front room. Cooking.
Naked.
“Are you alright?” my only reader asks. . “Yeah, I think so”.
I may have to re write day 4 yet again.
Snooker hall was good though.
Fun Facts about Darth Vader:
1. Darth was actually christened Dave Skywalker but it would’ve been a bit of a spoiler if they’d called him Dave.
2. Darth, even though he’s loved by Star Trek fans, still regrets that he was the “bad guy” and grows turnips to appease the hurt.
3. Darth, (to his mates) speaks properly when in social situations and doesn’t heavy breathe.
4. Darth’s costume was specially designed with a “zip” down the front just so he could take it off and put it back on and that.
5. This also allowed for toilet breaks when Lord Vader needed to do a piss.
6. Vader is Carol Vordemann’s cousin! In real life and that! I know it’s mad innit? She tried to teach him algebra at 15 but Big Darth just wanted to feel her boobs. Darth has no morals, or algebraic supposition.
7. There is no number 7.
8. Jimmy Tarbuck applied for the role of Darth Vader but he wanted to make the character a bit of a joker, throwing in ad-libs, puns and double-entendre even throughout the fight scenes. And that.
I’ll give up.
RIP Cardy. Top man.
